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Saturday, February 14, 2009

What am I doing with my life?

I am not at the crossroads of the destiny square but this post seems to be pending from sometime. I am highly addicted by internet surfing phenomenon. But I am fan of the voice/opinion provided bt it to million of people. I stumbled across these lines about Internet and likes it very much. 'This World Wide Web is a wonderful invention. It lands you in unforeseen places (virtually though), introduces to unknown people (thanks to blogs) and often proves to be a fruitful way of fighting boredom at office/home when you have nothing worthwhile to do.' One such chance stumbling landed me with an unusual piece of art; a bizarre piece of artistic oddity – Om dar ba dar. The movie came in highlight after Anurag Kashyap comment that a song from this movie was an inspiration of 'emotional atyachaar' beside Underground movie opening scene. But I liked another song Tadpole Terrorist of the same movie. For readers information, the spinner Kachra of Lagaan is the main protaganist of this movie. It makes me nostalgic of old DD days of low budgeted experimental TV serials and Parallel Cinema.

Now,the this spiral vortex image is depiction of my life. I have my own share of problems. Life moves pretty fast. You could miss it, if you don't stop and look around once in a while. I just thought of halting here and look back down the road.

I am very passionate and assertive guy in full mood. Those who know me knew that i have two face of personality like Harvey Dent. One soft spoken, open hearted, happy go lucky philosophy and caring nature; The other side is jhakee, highly charged with rage, foul mouthed and self destructive. The mood swings between two personalities without me being conscious of it. I try very hard to remain far from sarcasm and controversy. But being reactive more than proactive always put me in shit of troubles.

Recently, I chat with a very very nice guy after 10 months and one of mine casual comment just puts me in apologetic and defensive approach. The whole mood of talk went wrong. I screwed my own image by this way. The chant went down after 2 minutes.

I have very bad record of in wrong position or issuing wrong statement at wrong place and wrong time. It is due to my open mouthiness. I try to stay clam and not to comment on private life 99% of time. Free flow of emotion in that 1% just screw it all. 1% has got more weighted and life turning events in my whole life. God help me in controlling my emotion. But how can he/she/it help in this regard, I am an agonist.

Endline: Just lay off my self centered discussion.Watch 'A' rated trailer of next Anurag Kashyap movie 'Gulal' releasing on 13th march 2009.

12 comments:

  1. Important is to be honest and open with atleast some one whom you loved in this long journey. I am sure he/she/it will understand and accept you as you are if it is true love.

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  2. Hi himanshu, thank you for visiting my blog.
    i really liked your writings. i think its cool to tell people exactly what you are thinking as it clears the air and removes scope for misunderstanding.
    Sometimes it can get you a bloody nose oo, hough so be careful.
    drop by my blog sometimes. i know i will.

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  3. thank you for pointing out the dumb mistake. i corrected it. :)

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  4. Every seed we sow now is the fruit that we eat later. Whatever we sowed in the past is what we eat today.I dont want to look back...is what one half says..other says..you will be wiser if you learn from past mistakes..infact believes that get that level of awareness..where you learn from others mistake..but it is also true and accept that unless you ride a horse you will never fall..Turbulence is the other name of life. People who go to the river do not take things seriously.Yes they will be washed away by floods..so are the people living in desert should know that they always encounter mirage..any relations are like river and desert..always searching for that something that do not always exist..at the same time..wisdom says a bird in hand is worth two in bush..this capri is simple and logical thinking..not searching for mirage.. and will slowly but surely survive and get going even in floods..because we choose what we wanted,,will not cry with someone other than he or she or it considers close enough..as part of himself..however the other half does not want to share that pain..says i dont want your pain..i have problems of my own..despite that at the time of crisis..other half says..I want to share the burden of pain.. when the first half is hurt..goes into shell and comes out when it is spring..but seasons always change..that is belief..there is nothing that love cannot change..it is the most powerful message if used wisely..true love is not what you get..but what you give with no secrecy between them whether materialistc, emotional or body..both needs to surrender to each other..truly and consistently.....one half does not even think what he/she/it got ...other half always remembers what she/he/it did not get in that..true love is wht joy u give to other..one half fails to do that..to certain extent..it is easy to get up and get out of relationships..but difficult to build.which the first half always wants...to an extent that in flooding it stands..though bruised..knowing that eccentricity with ups and downs in behaviour. and burning desire to excell will continue to be hallmark...one half says be positive..when she/he/it does not want to take things at face value..but looks always for motive behind it...gets hurt and spoils herself..for someones words...5000 miles away..while the other half always reminds forget..dont analyze every statements to the last alphabet..but life is crazy and thats the beauty..with spring break..one half says to the other let us nurture our nest that we have built..knowingly or unknowingly..togeather back again if not for us but for our babies in the nest..what has been their fault..except being innocent..lets show the world and nomads that true love survives any floods and mirages in the desert and most importantly any migration..

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  5. @musafir,I am honest with my self but highly deluded about the way of my life.Thanks for this valuable advice about love.

    @Little Girl Lost!,I write to express myself,it may sound cool to you but with high grammar mistakes the charm of reading is over.Thank you for going through this posT.I have added you in my blog list and will be informed of latest updates on your blog.I am good in pin pointing mistakes. :)

    @joieddevivre,Chill hona bahut muskil hai woh bhi after office.Either feel exhausted or numb.But you have came long way acroos to offer soothing words. Thank you.

    @dodoisland,No body has ever written so much in recations/comment about me in my whole span of blogging era.You have just described me perfectly.And you are quite correct about true love.Really i am thankful for the words which has provided me mental comfort.True loves survive like desert rose....

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  6. whatever i write you like it or not..mistakes or not...bottom line..is i love the rose that i have..i will not allow it to wilt in the desert..i will shelter it, take care of it and not hurt it.. and provide whatever is needed..this half did not realize the value of what it has..until it truly felt it...thank you for making me realize..i just want my flower back..in my garden happy and feeling secured..not live on daily basis..and worrying about tommorrow....i love the flower with or without nectar..wheather it grows younger or it ages..wheather it gives out fragrance or not..i want to hold on to it until sun set..i will be happy for you whatever the flower decides.. three things are true and this half ask mother nature to provide me the courage to change things that one can..or humility to accept things that this half cannot change..and wisdom to know the difference between the two..

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  7. @musafir,You write like a poet about desert and rose.It was so rhytmic to read and feel the emotion behind it. I just feel out of thin air that you and dodoisland have same pattern of feelings and emotion.Leave the mindand my comment aside ,You must be very sweet and lovely person in life.

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  8. I know that my flower SHY is yayaver...but the flower does not want to reveal itself.. when you surrender to nature you tell it all...if its true love..you surrender to it..i am aware that something is stoping my flower from deep within..and you are craving for change..the yayaver posting in what I am doing with my life and how to cheat your husband without him knowing by little girl lost..is exactly what the SHY flower is doing...I will alawys love my flower.. because it made me realize how much I love her..no matter what I will always love..I dont want my flower to be little girl lost.. i love you...

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  9. OmDarBadar rocked. Waiting for Gulaal. 'Ghuss jaye re aeroplane'...

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  10. Well each one of us manifest different personalities based on the environment we are in. However, very few realize this. Once we realize, I guess we understand other's as well better and overall have a more peaceful life :-)

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  11. @musafir,I do notknow what to say now...
    @vee,Omdarbadar isgood movie but most of the movie went above my head.I am too waiting for gulaal to rock the theater.Also in the mood to see Paanch by any means possible...

    @Amit,You are right in your opinion. But realization part does not help without willpower...

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