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Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Eat, Drink and Sleep. Is this a life ?

One more autobiographical account expressed in quotes and personal experiences. Alas ! I wish to look into the nature of things but with no idea, with no prejudice, with no presupposition. Just putting here thoughts that is fabricating my existence at present ---

Can I start from scratch ? If I am thrown out of my job with no family support, could I achieve my goals even then ? This thought is roaming around my mind. I have no practical knowledge of realities except few times what I observed in my limited social life. That's why wanted to pursue the unknown path for an urban youth.

Am I really living ? I always feel like an old soul in a young man’s body. Now, an intensely moving exploration of identity has been halted by newly acquired wisdom. I see the futility of every intentions through duality of actions. Nature is half reveal and half conceal the soul within. So what is this idea of living in an eternal recurrence of hate and love.

If I love you, what business is it of yours? The way to love anything is to realize that it will end next moment. I look to her wondering what she might be thinking but never had courage to say a word. I also have a lot of cupid tales to tell and its always one sided and tragic. This lead to another quoatation: Every Jack has Jill. But I am not Jack :-P

Play it safe: Obedience and blind attachment to the social environment has made me to go for secure life than a risky adventurous trip. Playing safe is out of fear and it is call sacrifice for future and security in the life. I am not victim of my circumstances but a warrior against it...

Loss of an Identity: I want to be free from obligations, bonds and relations. They are appearing burden to me. I am reading Osho's book on Tao from 2 months. It has killed the traces of ambition, sense of morality, urge of an identity and even comparative spirit. I want to become empty and useless then nobody can use me.

It's not who I am underneath, but what I do that defines me : I write to express myself freely in diplomatic world and not to entertain the public. In solitude, my writing has become better. If I’d got diverted to thinking about publicity, my creative powers become weakened. Unhappiness is a natural consequence of a split personality inside me. I want to do what I love !

A past to be erased: I'm a person that always looks back on my life, and it isn't that all pleasant to me. I have a lot of great memories to share; Also, there are really dark memories too and I don't go there. So much overburdened by guilt feeling. Does saying sorry amend the wrong doings ?

Looking backward, walking forward: I had said and written many wrong things about girls in the past. I realized now how wrong and arrogant I was. New insights can't change past, but hoping for forgiveness from everyone.

Independent Life: I fear the habit of subservience is as deeply ingrained in our society as the desire to give orders or to become a follower. A very grave danger to a person’s life is the habit of giving orders. To be bounded by any set of moral rules will make one immoral. I don't say yes or no to morals. They just don't exist for me !

Success breeds confidence: I am avoiding the concept of success or failure as it .I wanna be a living lesson that while slow and steady may not hit the target always, it sure does make the ride worth taking. Unwavering belief in myself and passion to keep striving till very end will help in the life.

How to Lose Friends & Alienate People : Aliveness comes when you are alone. Solitude is the blessing that comes with the curse of loneliness. I love people but without hope. And all of us know expectations hurts. A deadness occurs in relationships when people are no longer willing to share with each other how they really feel. Result comes out as draging burden of responsibilities to avoid confrontation. I came to understand that labeling a relationships don’t allow any freedom. Relations are dynamic in nature...

Touching the Void: Where is the life I have lost in living? The closer I feel to death, the more I realize as alive. I want to sense everything now. The secret for fun in present is to enjoy life and beauty all around but never to want to possess them. As it is said that life is not what one lived but how one remembers it...

Thought of the Day: So often, we give in to our fears because we are afraid of the consequences of our righteous actions. Every time we give in, we lose our dignity little by little, and after a while we lose our self-esteem because we believe in the lie that there are powerful people who have control over our lives. We fail to realise that we can stand up for the truth. - By Mahesh Dattani

6 comments:

  1. kya bhaiya, itne sentimental thoughts
    waise job karte time aisi feelings sabko aati hain, no one is satisfied

    i would suggest u to go out and visit places and also do some social work, it helps
    atleast write to awake the modern youths, even that gives satisfaction

    ReplyDelete
  2. Mayank yaar, emotional hona aadat ho gaye hai. Itne breakdown aur job dissatisfaction hai ki sab accumalate ho jata hai. I am planning to change my daily routine to sense thrill of new. Thanks for coming here and giving comment.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Bit delayed coment..bt hope might nt hv lost its significance.

    First let me say..wonderful read...n as such it is order n nt exception..

    Let me try to make it point by point...

    If I m thrown out of my job with no family support, could I achieve my goal then?
    - First of al it depends on wht r ur goals. N anyway u'v earned ur job n its nt any kind of favor done to u. If u r thrown out thn u'l find another,perhaps if u want.

    I always feel like an old soul in a young man's body....So what is this idea of living in an eternal recurrence of hate and love.
    -Its alwaz gud 2 feel lk n old soul in a young man's body, bt u shud hv a heart of a child.About idea of living in n eternal recurrence of hate n luv, I'l only say tht till d end of civilisation there wl alwaz b duality of hate n love..we shud alwaz try 2 maximise d luv part of it but we cant eliminate d other fully.N if ever tht happens then tht time d idea of luv n hate itself wl undergo change for sure.

    Every Jack has Jill. But I am not Jack.
    - NO COMMENTS. Smtms I dnt believe. Sometime try out with ur full heart n if u fail thereafter again please post it then again

    I want to be free from obligations, bonds and relations.
    - Many times in life we feel like breaking d shackles of relationship, bondage etc. That is where,if I say personally, cms d very crucial question of marriage, whether in case if we want to do smthng in life nd that something is not the one well trodden paths bt something diferent thn what wl b d role of marriage in our lives.

    Also, there are really dark memories too and I don't go there. So much overburdened by guilt feeling. Does saying sorry amend the wrong doings?
    - There wl alwz b guilt feelings pertaining to past. Saying sorry may nt amend thngs always bt some sort of solace it may provide atleast.

    "In solitude, my writing has become better." & "Solitude is the blessing that comes with the curse of loneliness."
    - I'l quote smthng by Thoreau here "I find it wholesome to be alone the greater part of the time. To be in company, even with the best, is soon wearisome and dissipating. I love to be alone. I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude."

    I had said and written many wrong things about girls in the past. I realized now how wrong and arrogant I was. New insights can't change past, but hoping for forgiveness from everyone.
    - Dont u think there is a lot of contirbution of d way we hv seen in society women being treated a lot to do wid what u've said n written earlier about girls. Bt as we grew n got a chance of interaction with the world in large and enlightened ourselves with the ideas and thoughts of greats and other civilisations we came to knw about meanness of our past thoughts. The only way to amend those acts is to erase completely the slightest of sexual biasedness in our thoughts and deeds and also to propagate d idea of equality irrespective of sex.

    I am avoiding the concept of success or failure as it .I wanna be a living lesson that while slow and steady may not hit the target always, it sure does make the ride worth taking.
    -Success n Failures r relative terms n as such shud nt hold a great meaning in our lives, d only thing that shud count is d nobility of our thoughts n deeds.

    ReplyDelete
  4. continued from previous...

    And all of us know expectations hurts.
    -Very True, thats all I cn say. Many times felt n experienced myself.

    Where is the life I have lost in living? The closer I feel to death, the more I realize as alive.
    -For this I'l tk something from Paulo Coelho - "I know its not a topic anyone likes to think about, but I have a duty to my readers, to make them think about the important things in life. And death is possibly the most important thing. We are all walking towards death, but we never know when death will touch us and it is our duty, therefore, to look around us, to be grateful for each minute. But we should also be grateful to death, because it makes us think about the importance of each decision we take, or fail to take; it makes us stop doing anything that keeps us stuck in the category of the 'living dead' and, instead, urges us to risk everything, to bet everything on those things we always dreamed of doing, because whether we like it or not, the angel of death is waiting for us."

    And finally d thought of d day by Mahesh Dattani is wonderful.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Akash, First you should stop writing such wonderful comments and start writing anything on your blog. And time does not delude great and classical things and ideas. Thanks for such appreciation and going in detail for an biographical post. I couldn't go and write like you in repsonse to your advices. I am reading them and watching the world unfolded in the new way.

    When you comment that 'u shud hv a heart of a child.' I liked the idea and will put in the practical daily life. You quoted Thoreau that is one of my favourite autor who called for simplicity, simplicity and simplicity. Paulo Coelho has expressed my feeling in quite more broader way but its very taboo to discuss about beauty of death in the public. I am loving the concept of death and more gaining insight of beauty of my existence...

    Thanks for coming here regularly and write something man... I am sure all of the people will love it.

    ReplyDelete
  6. हौशला-अफ़जाई के लिए धन्यवाद ......
    कोशिश करता हूँ कुछ अपने ब्लाग मे लिखने की....

    ReplyDelete

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