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Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Being Himanshu Rai

You cannot imagine what it feels to stuck into the body of Himanshu Rai. It is like burning desire to become free from the clutches of emotional attachment. To carve a niche for something, neither fame nor money. It is constant pursuit to search for true meaning of life. The abstract feeling of escapism with the relations, materialism and world. Something inside is pushing me to rebel against mundane and sensible.

On seeing images, videos or natural beauty, a feel of transformation through barriers of time and space is achieved. The characters of the image get me hooked to their life through emotions. I rise and fall with their hopes, dreams and struggle.

We have become vast in our information about past and future but our present has become limited somewhere during this process of discovering time. Time experience becomes relative and feeling of pulse/second arises i.e. I became time conscious. When you are trapped in a remote situation, there is loss of sense of time and place in mind. An urge to run away or hide emerges from inside. Sense of what a wonderful world just sublimes away!!!

I was born in Neverland, traveled far in Bohemia, searching for Terabethia and want to die in Utopia. My body is rigid at one place but my sub-conscious(soul) wanders like Yayaver [A Hindi word, meaning an avid traveler.. or rather a person who is constantly on move ] in divine space filled with ideas. I am in Transit world traveling through time and universe. This world is cruel place where bullets are more exchanged than ideas. People preserve dead but ignore the living around them. Just want to say: Good bye cruel and chaotic world filled with everything but for whom ? Cosmos only.

From pages of diary--

Zerkalo(Mirror) : I am watching mirror at this moment of late night. Chaotic hair style, rough beard (facial hairs), untrimmed mustache and philosophical gesture adds charm in it. I am amazed by the sharp smile which seldom appears on my face. I look deep into my reflection of my eyes and feel the unlimited potential in myself. Now, the mirror takes me through it into deep and uncorrupted part of my soul/consciousness.

I am thrilled by thundering of ideas with a tinge of vanity inside chaotic mind. Then a sudden vacuum appears. Solitude inside me suddenly grows infinite in the silence. First vanity, then feeling of nothingness appears in mirror. I do not become mere observing protagonist but converts into the butterfly of chaos theory. Walls of time surrounds me before a feeling that we are more than a speck of sand in the universe.

I am not even bored by gazing a familiar face again and again. But the feeling of being just a stalker in present haunts me to do something. Everything will be lost in time. Only infinite and zero will prevail in future of nothingness....


  1. i think its a good intro as well as retrospection with honesty from authors side.

    i really feel every body needs it to exactly know what one really wants not a sheep or pig or a frog in wall not to think about your own credibility but just facsimile others as if they are really doing some thing or any thing.

    so congrats and you have created an inspiration for others to listen to there hearts and to spot there souls.

  2. @kunal
    you have came back after long time and given very encouraging comment about my writing.And i hope some good stuff from your side also...

  3. Hi Himanshu,

    Just stumbled upon your link from the Books community. Read your autobiographical stuff. You are being modest when you say that you started it just to improve English. You are definitely more than Pro when writing. This post is just superb. (I have somehow always felt a kind of writer's block whenever i have tried to put my expressions in words.) You have written about yourself so honestly and with utter modesty. Shall read your other blogs soon.

  4. @The elemental,I am not being modest when I say that I started blog it just to improve English.I also edit my previous entries for spelling mistakes from time to time. Yaa, I give lot of time to improve my writing skills with reading atleast 15 -30 articles per day.Most of the lines are original but I also pick few from remote corner of Internet.It is more compilation of words to form my feelings in appropriate words. Thanks for such encouraging words.You have commented on one of mine best post on the blog.You are welcome for further reading of archives and future post.



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