Introspection

Welcome, there is a change in the Blog outlook to make it more simple and sober. I did this after struggling with slow internet connection. I am wandering in the landscape of loneliness. Today, I writing this blog in order to comprehend, not to express myself. A paradigm shift in mine thinking !

How many memories/information can a person stand, and how many does he need? Does one need either huge academic knowledge or field work only to prove his case of merit ? What is the definition of luxury or necessity for a family (not individual)? These are some basic question that is haunting me. Leave alone these question on fate.

Despite introspection, We Are Strangers to Ourselves. Ability to be ourselves is crucial, not flowing in the shallow water of superficiality. There is inbuilt existential frustation and restlessness in humans. No person can escape from the thoughts buzzing in the mind. The difference between getting lost and finding new ways distinct achievers in the fighters.

One has to eliminate what one does not aspire for and then start search for what one aspires. When everything is at stake there is nothing to lose. The phase of learning is always unglamarous and difficult in the nature. But when inspired by inner zeal, nothing in the world can stop what must rise. There will be lot of failures and setbacks in the initial years. And a floating question : Is it worth it ? But life goes on with unanswered questions.

The paradox happens when one read something like that : Doing what you know is fun, but doesn't improve you. That really hits your instinct and challenges for uplifting your standards.

A life well lived for others and with others is mine aim. Otherwise, In the words of Anton Chekhov - "Any idiot can face a crisis - it's day to day living that wears you out." Do anyone wants such meaningless life ? I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate. Need a little dose of madness to become free. One need to ask : What's next? How to improve? What's this worth? Why is this happening?

Thought of the Day : ‎"He’s freed from his loneliness by the word. Isn’t that the point of poetry? Breaking through the walls of solitude. Poetry is the great S.O.S. of loneliness." --Anna Kamienska

Slice of life

What value does reason and tolerance have in a country that is rapidly on a downward spiral towards a social and political abyss? There was an angle of blasphemy in cold blooded murder of Salmaan Taseer at Pakistan recently. Sheer madness in the name of religion is going on and each justified by the religious schools. Targeted killings are unleashed for extermination of opposing voice of minorities and liberals. A book containing contradictory statement is quoted each time by both moderates and extremists. Still, there is nothing wrong with the book. I am tired of violence and its reflexive cynicism. And people giving solutions ask for more Islamic laws, its a limit of suicidal reaction. There is complete resignation of mind and triumph of brute force in Pakistan.

This kind of ideology hides in the cover of 'sacred' in our societies. Most of the time, it remains dormant but resurfaces at the slightest of issues and destruct the soft fabric of the entire tolerant culture. I always remember the words of E.P. Thompson : "We must never become wholly dependent upon established institutions: publishing houses, commercial media, universities, foundations (...) we must occupy some territory which is, without qualification, our own; our own journals, our own theoretical and practical centers: places where no one works for grades or for tenure but for the transformation of society (...) "

That is exactly a blasphemer/rebel does, occupy a place in the society not prescribed to one by the power setup. Requirement of affiliation and acceptance in the mainstream can compromise the voice of reason very easily. There is either wiping out of reasonable and genuine individuals due to other people’s extreme and twisted tendencies.

Life is amazing that we live unfazed and unmoved with so much of emotional tycoon surrounding us by a thin sheet of beliefs. These beliefs makes us more rigid and rigid as the passing day. And, the term normal is labeled to present state of affairs. A person grow like a bonsai in locked and traditional societies, not able to provide relief of its shades to others. The world can be amazing when you are slightly strange; To be wise, fair and correct in practical life is a way towards certainty. A little iota of madness, love or idealism is needed for pulling/pushing the society to the peaceful future.

Neither is any point in existing as a part of ocean only nor as a single water droplet. One should exist as an ocean drop with retaining one's singularity and uniqueness. It reminds of a Buddhist parable: “How will you stop a drop of water from ever drying up?” and the answer is “By throwing it into the ocean.”

Understanding human behavior and accepting it with all its limitation can solve the problem. There is no need for artificial concept of God to explain our nature. Roaming in the zone of transcendentalism can be obtained by walking on the path of love.

As Immanuel Kant famously remarked, "from the crooked timber of humanity no truly straight thing can be made." But, in the words of philosopher, Denis Dutton, " It is not . . . that no beautiful carving or piece of furniture can be produced from twisted wood; it is rather that whatever is finally created will only endure if it takes into account the grain, texture, natural joints, knotholes, strengths and weaknesses of the original material."

Back to Business

Quoting in the terminator style, I am back with lots of positive energy and inputs. Killing the parasitic feeling and coming back to life. Recently taken 12 days trip to home and has came refreshed by the change in environment. Met with friends in Noida and missed to meet few good ones at Gurgoan. In the end, life is now on routine where best thoughts of HR will come in mail on Friday with a tag of TGIF (Thank God It's Friday).

Thoughts for the day:

1-A quotation from the ancient Chinese philosopher Zhuangzi: "If you look at things from the point of difference, they seem diverse; from the point of semblance, they look alike."

2- चुल्लू भर पानी से बुझाने आग गाँव की, चल पडी टोलियाँ अमीर उमराव की..

3- वो कौन हैं जिन्हें तौबा की मिल गयी फ़ुरसत / हमें तो गुनाह करने को जिंदगी कम है...

Cheers with Calvin & Hobbes (Image courtesy to Arunn)!!!.

This is cute as all of C&H cartoons are but the idea is not its creator Bill Waterson’s. The world renowned astronomer and astrophysicist Carl Sagan said this in his 1968 book: 'The Intelligent Life In The Universe'. He further said : ‘After all who would bother to teach the ant, the alphabet? '

Love Story

I read blogs of thousand bloggers (mostly females) who write so beautifully about love that I envy them. They are so lucky for having love in the life. I never write about love in this blog because I don't have one & have no clue about my love. For a change on this blog, A love story from my favorite movie, Cinema Paradiso...

A:--- Once upon a time, a king gave a feast. And there came the most beautiful princesses of the realm. Now, a soldier, who was standing guard, saw the king's daughter go by. She was the most beautiful one, and he immediately fell in love with her. But what could a poor soldier do when it came to the daughter of the king? Well, finally, one day, he managed to meet her, and he told her that he could no longer live without her. The princess was so impressed by his strong feelings that she said to the soldier: "If you can wait 100 days and 100 nights under my balcony, then at the end of it, I shall be yours." Damn! The soldier immediately went there and waited one day. And two days. And ten. And then twenty. And every evening, the princess looked out of her window, but he never moved. During rain, during wind, during snow, he was always there. The bird shat on his head, and the bees stung him, but he didn't budge. After ninety nights, he had become all dried up, all white, and the tears streamed from his eyes. He couldn't hold them back. He no longer had the strength to sleep. All that time, the princess watched him. And on the 99th night, the soldier stood up, took his chair, and went away.

T:---[later in the film, T gives A his interpretation] ...In one more night, the princess would have been his. But she also could not possibly have kept her promise. And it would have been terrible. He would have died. This way, however, at least for 99 days, he was living under the illusion that she was there, waiting for him.

Yayaver's Interpretation:---[Never asked but writing here] Soldier went away because he want to give the feeling of his pain & waiting forever to princess. The princess may or may not have accepted him but the reason of soldier leaving her on the 99th night would have haunted her whole life.

Now, its your chance to write your interpretation. Please put your words in the comments.

Recovering from Pessimism

I was under depression few days ago. I always give my voice in my writings. To talk with some one without showing or sharing your secret pain is very tough. I am back from the exile with slight optimism in personal life. The change of mood was slow but the return from gloom is happening. I am trying to break the era of living from one day to another day. I have been rebuked correctly about content of one of my post. I liked the rebuke as it helps me in remove my shortcomings and illogical view of the world. I will be more honest and broad minded in citing my opinions from now on. I manipulate few ideas in my blog to give better impression to readers, but the bluffing route never work. I am revising in my heart the call of "Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity!," for self honesty and for the harmony with the nature. The magic wonder sense of enjoyment is lost. I am trying to regain that ecstasy in my heart. This post is written for just self expression.Just trying to rediscover the feeling of love!!!!


Some movies like 'The English Patient' or 'Dead Poet's Society' require right kind of mindset and environment to involve with it.Those who wanted to watch the film should make it personal and private viewing.As love making is different than sex, similarly the intimacy with the subtle layer of film is made possible in solitude. The mass gathering just camphourized the feeling inherited in the film due to several interruption or distraction. When you sit alone in the darkened room,the right mood evokes the emotion from inside you. The pathos or gentle humor of the sound or scene is deeply absorbed by sub conscious. The sense of understanding cinematic art develops inside you. Now,you can share your feelings and views with everyone freely and at a very evolved mental level.

I am not citing against mass viewing of cinema or any art. I am giving emphasis on the fact that one to one involvement with mastero / masterpiece gives different sense of learning to student. The silence invokes an array of thoughts harmonized with a sense of wonder and appreciation. The aesthetic feeling grows and take your ideas in an unique way.

Remember, all our lives, we have been asked to believe that "quality matters, not quantity"? Similarly, in the case of movies, it is the quality (content) of the movie that matters, not its running time or skin & action show. You are a person with the complete personality (samagrah vyaktitava). I am always unable to grasp the assumption of leaving your brain outside the movie hall. The idea of whole distinct existence of the person in the world seems to be quite paradox with the assumption. How could one laugh with the humor or jokes with the brain resting on the next chair? As he walks out of door, the complete time span inside theater is simply forgotten. He walks again to his routine lifestyle without being affected by that piece of art or bizzare work. Is that time in the movie theater just a temporary numb break from the mechanical life ?

I baffle with these question as the answers differ from individual to individual. I firmly believe in justice (bit favor vigilant one), not have much rooted faith in democracy or republic. That is another story for future debate. In end, the message for the day: Understanding yourself makes it easier to remain motivated.

From an old saying of blogland: when you are unable to change the content of blog,atleast change the template of it. I have done to outlook of the blog. Simplicity at its best.

PS: The image is created by my little sister sonal in paint. It always remind of innocent way to look at the nature.

Frustoo side of me

Warning:Highly autobiographic post of a dejected,frustrated and confused person.

There is a question repetitively asked in the interview - "Where do you see yourself 3 years ahead in life?" The questionnaire cannot tell his/her professional future after 1 year. But the irony of fate stuck in your neck to predict the future. The astrologer inside you is liberated and a future dream mixed with pseudo-ethics pours from the answer. This is ridiculous and complete waste of time in judging potential. This is referenced here as an anecdote to start my story. Because I am finding no clue about me now. The uncertainty about future in determining my life is taking sacrifice of mine simple pleasures.

I am just living life from one day to another day.I had not read any book from last 2 months. The dyslexic inability to read literature is appearing in me. I feel very low like a pebble stone trampled by mob. Ever heard of a person to whom no wants to look but no one knows what to do with him.I am the one.

I have became obsessed with orkut and blog these days. People love sarcastic or romantic blog these days. I had forsaken sarcasm and cannot capture love with empty heart. Hence, none to write here for the readers. My blog is a live example of mediocre manipulation of ideas. I capture, fuse, hybrid and share the concepts in the blog. Inspirational diversion is prime motto to start the blog. I will be dishonest if i say that i do not like people reading my post and commenting on it. I had put 'recent comments' widget in my blog to be give feedback to the people as soon as possible. I am currently collecting and compiling data from the notes. I encapsulate lines from the others and engineer the article in presentable form. Originality given by me is just manipulation and presentation of facts in thematic way. I also put a abstract or sarcastic photograph to attract attention. Fake and cheap...

I do not live in present. I roam in the futuristic dreams and always suffer from the nostalgia of past. I live like phantom in my own life with no awareness of surroundings. I take a ghost walk around the life of others in my thoughts. With the minute observation,the blending & writing of fiction with facts have became my favourite hobby. I cultivate the seeds of others idea to enrich my soul. The barren soul captures only echo of hollowness in return. Hence,I am soaked in the gloomy mood. I am just a nasty creature wanting pity of others through comments. Pitch blackness is in front of my eyes. This is a confession of shallow blogger who always sounds like preacher. Enough frustration to the reader is given by me. Avoid the post. I need either a kick in the ass or chill booze or solitude with silence.In the end,

“Do I continually have to prove to myself that I exist?"

For Future Generation

The wishes of the children are never a factor when deciding their future, Even if the part of this creative little soul is dying everyday on that wooden bench, copying Q & A from the blackboard. Earlier the thought was that only civil services, doctors and engineers are suitable careers. Nowadays the trend is that only engineering +MBA degree combo is a sensible career. It can bring in the so called mega bucks. It is all for the welfare of the students. Never mind if the kids are battered by an uncompromising and ruthless system which robs them of any creativity they have had. Failure to get inside a top notch school is considered a family dishonor and enormous pressure brought on kids to achieve targets which they never really wanted to.

And yeah, this is motivational bullshit but you know what, the idea that an entrance exam or two at age 17 can make or break your future is horse manure. Use it - to fertilize your imagination!

Take a bit of a creative leap in your Life!!!
College is just a platform to move in a particular field. Use this time for recreation and climbing on the learning curve. The one-dimensional growth in grades can be good with academics but for long term benefits curricular activities must be done.One time failure cannot stop anyone from climbing the ladders of success.

Whether you join the ‘ultimate’ branch or merely the ‘ultimate’ college after beating neck to neck competition…
Whether you got your dream job on first attempt…
Whether you marry the girl of your dreams or the one your family dreamt of...
All that matters in the long run is how true you were to yourself.

As Oscar Wilde once said,"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry…"
Honest Advice: Find yourself. Be yourself. Love yourself. Everything else will fall into place.

Mantra of Life

I have taken this heading of the post from the song ‘what is the mantra of your life’ of the Euphoria Band. It helped me in my journey within.

I am currently involved in the concept known as 'Gap Year'. I am not actually taking one year gap for leisure time. I postponed my joining at CSC to November for giving time to my family before muddling up in corporate world. The introspection and self evaluation comes in this part of time. I am lucky enough to be free from any urgent financial woes by my family. Most of the time is dedicated to introspection and reading books or blogs. The self evaluation time will really help me in attaining long term goals.

I looked back and analyzed both my personal and professional life. My colleagues are coining this time of mine as uneconomic and wasteful phase of my life. The success is seen in very short future context and comparison with others is made often. I do not use this time for touring or part time jobs. The adventure part was of least importance to me. I was learning new and diverse things in mine graduation years although there were fall in grades due to negligence in academics. I feel like collector of the data bank during last 4 years of engineering. There was no synthesis of data in my mind. I give emphasis on my spirituality, philosophy, cinema and books in this period of time. I am walking on less traveled road but like each great tree, life is a plant of slow growth. I really believed in this mantra of life :  Instead of a linear life path, it was like adding a little zig to your zag.

Five point for everyone (Results of Introspection):

1-Saral bano, Sugam aur sadharan nahi (Be simple, not ordinary and effortless in practice).
2- Hum sab adhitiya pehle hain,asaadharan baad mein ( We are unique first then extraordinary.)
3-Aaveg gyan kaa lakshan hai aur anubhuti shaashwat hai (Sprinting of innovative Ideas is the symptom of genius but sensation is eternal)
4-Budhi saager ke laher ke samaan hai,chanchal aur satahi ,par anubhuti samudra tal ke samaan,shaant aur neestabdh (Direct Perception or Intuition has more far reaching effect than logic and reasoning.)
5- Prabhad aur Purusharth sath sath chalte hain (Luck and Hard work goes hand in hand.)

Last word on these ethical lessons which I sense these days was: You pay for your deeds.
I get my mantra of life AND YOU?

Do, what you can do Best.

I am a mediocre in all fields but hate this label. What is the purpose of pursuing a career in the field in which you cannot accomplish distinction? This basic question always haunt me from childhood days. I do not want to become part of the mob. There are more than 10,000-20,000 engineers graduating per year. Where do i stand in this rat race? What is my chance of success and way to achieve notable in this field?

To tell you the truth, I do not have any chances of either doing good or fair. I also know the reason, why? These four years in ITBHU has given me more than enough time to evaluate my capabilities and limitation. I am just good movie viewer, nothing else. Albeit, I had knowledge of success mantra. It is not the old hard work and dedication theory. For me hard work and dedication axiom is appropriate coinage, but that's not enough.

Creativity in your area of interest is primary ammunition for achieving goals. I had huge interest in watching movies. I want to become legendary director like Satyjit Ray, Andrei Tarkovsky, Akira Kurosowa etc. I treat cinema as an art not the entertainment. I spent/ invested my precious time of college in it. But world outside seems more complicated than inside. Still, I am unable to achieve anything due to lack of will power. I regret for two things in my life.

First, I have taken so much input by watching thousand films but not even making a silly amateurish piece of cinema. This habit of laziness will become reason of my fall. Second, I do not have courage to face the struggle and bet my career for unknown business. Fuck you and your natural talent,if you are not working on it.

I had a chat with our alumnus Varun Grover in 2nd year of graduation. He is a writer now in the field of cinema leaving behind his civil engineering career for his interest. He quoted to me in our single conversation in chat "writing, like any other skill, needs polishing". I had forgotten that priceless advice. I am sorry for that till now. I was struggling with my grades, life and everything in 3rd year of engineering but the mind was full of awesome ideas. For reaching vantage point, you need more than idea. You must develop a concept step by step. You cannot become Leo Tolstoy just by knowing all the words in dictionary. You have to be smart enough to arrange them in lucrative and thematic way to write an epic like 'War and Peace'. Hence I started to blog. This was first of my entrepreneurship. Creativity inside me was unleashed.

I am also thankful to Varun Murali and Kunal Sharma to offer me valuable inputs from time to time. Murali critically screwed for my grammar and applauded for my narration skill. That was big boost for me in starting. Kunal gives me an idea of theme and presentation of topic. One year has passed since then. I feel like pebble who is polished to become diamond. I want to apologize here for previous punchline. This statement is manipulated from a quote. I feel guilty for copying it. I have not still become creative enough to blow punch lines like that statement. Hindi is my mother tongue and for me English is like mother in law tongue. I am really working hard to improve it. English is my media of instruction rather than Hindi but authority in this language is missing.

Mine interpretation of one year of writing and 4 year of watching cinema is completely original. Writing skills require lot of input.You have to study a lot but selected material. Novels, poems, short stories with news articles are sources of high quality literature. For example, you cannot learn about ground realities of India through Stardust or Cosmopolitan magazine. References and recommondations must be taken from wise guys. This facts holds true regarding cinema also. You cannot comment on war films by watching movies like Border.

Efficiency of a person is measured by work output/Energy Input. I had to work hard not only to sustain high efficiency but high work output. Creativity, Originality and Interactiveness of my interest with others is now parameter to judge myself. Uff, original ending is different to write. I can state here any existing line but will quote a new-one from myself. Make yours life worthy of putting your footmarks in the history of human race.

PS:This blog is written on completion of 1 year of my blog.