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Thursday, March 24, 2011

श्रद्धांजलि !

Life itself is good no matter how bad it is. As they say, a man's life is incomplete unless or until he has tasted love, poverty and war. I have not touched anyof these aspects in my life. I had swallowed deceit, anger, frustration and horror in order to survive and maintain relations. End of a relationship isn’t always the end of feelings for one another, is it? Yet, I am ending my relationship with blogging activity also for a period of time. Kahlil Gibran has said on persons like me only --- Thus with my lips have I denounced you, while my heart, bleeding within me, called you tender names.

I am not finding any incentives to write from inside. I am trying to listen new songs, read books, watch movies and check score of Cricket World Cup. Still, a spark is missing somewhere or am not relaxed. Relaxation is not only of the body, it is not only of the mind, it is of our total being.

I had reduced the worrying, thinking and talking part to overcome emotional burdens of failure. दिल नाउम्मीद तो नहीं, नाकाम ही तो है| लम्बी है गम की शाम, मगर शाम ही तो है. I wanted to be alone and utterly silent, then absolutely in silence, watch myself. As Osho has aptly said : To be alone in the only real revolution. To accept that you are alone is the greatest transformation that can happen to you. I will come back pretty soon with the inner changes by searching what ecstasy is hidden in mine own being. I hope that the fear, cynicism and seclusion will make room for inner harmony.

More from Osho :  When you are alone you are not alone, you are simply lonely - and there is a tremendous difference between loneliness and aloneness. When you are lonely you are thinking of the other, you are missing the other. Loneliness is a negative state. You are feeling that it would have been better if the other were there - your friend, your wife, your mother, your beloved, your husband. It would have been good if the other were there, but the other is not. Loneliness is absence of the other. Aloneness is the presence of oneself. Aloneness is very positive. It is a presence, overflowing presence. You are so full of presence that you can fill the whole universe with your presence and there is no need for anybody.

Listen to this song by Lama Gyurme - Offering chant.
Album - Rain of Blessings: Varja Chants

PS : Blogging को श्रद्धांजलि दी है तिलांजलि नही !

Friday, March 18, 2011

A Writer’s Block

I am facing the problem of Writer’s Block these days. Wikipedia describes the Writer’s Block as ‘a condition associated with writing as a profession in which an author loses the ability to produce new work. New ideas and words were refusing to come out of my head from last 15-20 days. The ability too look at flashback and produce some work is even seems to be confiscated somewhere.

Unsuccessful attempt at IRMA this year has worsened my conditions and inability to work pro actively at office has been affecting career growth. I was not emotionally drained out but exhausted to a certain extent. A zone of uncertainty has been flying over my professional future.

Today, I felt different from regular days. The bright and sunny day has given a new energy inside me. With INDIA going to work and school in full flow seems heartening. A song of movie Sarfarosh playing all along in the cab also lifted my spirit while coming to office now.

Cinema has come as savior currently. I have seen 3 movies of the same director recently and what impresses was the ambiguous dialogues of them. Chungking Express (1994), In the Mood for Love (2000 and 2046 (2004) . This period of depression has forced me to engage more in books also. I have read 2 books in 3 days, quite an abnormal activity as compared to the track record of 10 books read last year. I also have realization that all moderates are not liberal. The norms of moderates are indifferent to extreme in normal situation.

I am coming to the senses once again painfully and gradually.  I am Coming back to the Life...

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Shades of Madness

If I don't write what I think, what's the point of being mad? But madness is sometimes over rated. When you are not able to think and even feel, it is the worrisome part. Relevance, Idea and Technique seems as far reaching personal goals at this spot of time.

The qualities of openness, patience and insight is deceasing at a slow rate due to mechanical life. I am feeling alone and ponder over my low emotional quotient. Beneath silence, all that is intimate, delicate and refined is crushed out of experience.

Reality is dependent om our sensitivity and the nature of the consciousness. One should never do anything against conscience, even if the friends and family demands it. Conscience is what will hurt when everything and everyone will give thumbs up for the word or act.

Through writing, I want to examine intimate of human emotions and controversial issues. Shades of solidarity with others is least in me but the taboos bite me. And distilling self experiences through word gives a bizarre feeling of auto-cannibalism.

I have read few Arabic poems in English these days. Despite of the loss of feelings in the translation, this desert language is the rhythmic and haunting in the nature. Familiarity with people or words bred not contempt  but love, understanding and tolerance. Relations needs to be revisited to discover fresh nuances of meaning. Still same damned emotions inspire more non sense than life in all forms.

I am not ready to accept that absurdity and irrationality as a prime factors on the decision taking ability of the human. I respect emotional integrity of human relations that is universal in the nature for scrutiny others.

It takes conviction and courage to take a stand and be on receiving end of all ridicule and criticism. In order to turn convention upside down, one needs a particularly firm grip on convention itself. Unconventional writing is difficult and a mere arrangement of clumsy and random sentences can't form an off-beat literature. The inherent incapacity for sustained constructive thinking blocks the continuity of the observation.

Flamboyance without content is apt to degenerate into gimmick sooner or later. We invest a lot of efforts to reach for fame within mainstream and the same popularism gives one an unapproachable aura. An individual raised to Demigod status through stupidity. That is a paradox of acting or writing on the public demand.

Sarcasm suits me as I am able to observes the hate, hypocrisy and superiority complex hiding deep down in the psyche of myself and fellow people. It helps me to overcome the harshness of the reality and, eases the pain of scars, deceit, violence and deep embedded anger against them.

I had great anger on caste, cultural, regional and religious traditions that limit one's identity through ghettos. The generations after me will not live this kind of life — that’s what I decided. I will change my destiny by just existing in my own skin.

I may be the silent majority but I am a loud minority.

Sunday, March 6, 2011


Procrastination leads the daily life,
Delusional and narcissistic thinking,
Anguish of dispossession and exile.
To accept that I am alone is so difficult.

A feeling of monotonous, mechanical and boring life.
The wheels of fortune seems to be stuck somewhere in the traffic jam of daily routine .

Oration skill is over rated and the silence is maddening phase.
The jumble of thoughts, the search for a partner,
The anxiety and fear of loosing everything ;
Wanna be able to say anything,
Without any fear, embarrassment or hesitation.

A thankless job.
Efficiently constructing mythical monetary security
While bearing the immense loss of creativity, spark and spontaneity inside.

Dropping the addiction habits may help in creating nothingness.
Hanging past and fearing future are eating the present moment.

Difficult to eradicate hate from the heart;
A soul that has never been loosened by unrestricted love,
Prejudices grow there, firm as weeds among rocks.

My apologies if you find it all too boring!

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Wadah Khanfar: A historic moment in the Arab world

As a democratic revolution led by tech-empowered young people sweeps the Arab world, Wadah Khanfar, the head of Al Jazeera, shares a profoundly optimistic view of what's happening in Egypt, Tunisia, Libya and beyond -- at this powerful moment when people realized they could step out of their houses and ask for change.

As Director General of Al Jazeera, the only international TV network based in the developing world, Wadah Khanfar works to bring rare liberties like information, transparency and dissenting voices to repressive states and political hot-zones. TED LINK

The counter-attack of people on the state is on and we all hail change in Middle East and Africa. As only words that comes in my mind are - Inquilab Zindabad ( a Hindi phrase which translates to "Long Live Revolution").


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