Search for Lost Stories

I am turning 40 in next few months. So much has been lost in the debris of time and yet inscribed in the memories.  It is a travesty that we remember milestones yet forgot the simpler times of the childhood. I am suddenly experiencing mixture of melancholy and nostalgia of the old DD serials, movies and cartoons.  Rooted in memory, these shows have evoked in me the warmth of simpler times.

For adults who fondly remember the golden age of Doordarshan (DD) in the 1990s, the program lineup was a delightful mix of intellect, comedy, and adventure.  I was seeing the world through the eyes of a child alive to its sensations yet protected from the reality. I will mention few DD programs forgotten or less remembered among people nowadays. 

 

One such gem was Gucchhe, which, contrary to popular belief, wasn't an original Indian drama but rather the Hindi-dubbed version of Stories from My Childhood—a beautifully animated anthology of global fairy tales originally produced by Soviet studios. Another animation series, Superbook Classic captivated me with reimagining of Bible stories, where young protagonists traveled through time to witness key events in Christian scripture. And finally, the ever-popular Sindbad the Sailor kept imaginations alight with tales of treasure, monsters, and magical voyages. This was the Hindi-dubbed adaptation of the Japanese anime Arabian Nights: Sinbad's Adventures (1975). These animations weren’t just cartoons — they were gentle stories, subtly weaving morals, ethics, and culture into lessons that has stayed with me. 

I had started watching obscure TV movies on the DD in childhood. One such movie, Papeeha (1993) was aired in December 1994. I searched for the movie in vain on the digital landscape and found the print only today. 

I once watched a movie about two elephants, but for the longest time, I couldn’t remember its name. It stayed in my memory, vivid yet unnamed, for nearly 30 years. The eureka moment came when I realized the elephant duo weren't mother and son, but father and son — and that cracked the code. Memory often eludes us, and over time, what we remember can become distorted, blending fiction with reality. Then, after all that time, I finally discovered its title: Kala Parvat (original title: Chyornaya Gora), a 1971 Soviet Indian co-production directed by Aleksandr Zguridi and M.S. Sathyu. It was a surreal moment—like reuniting with a long-lost piece of my childhood.  It took me years of searching the internet, countless Google queries, and even taking help from AI tools to finally uncover its title two week back.  Overjoyed, I announced the discovery to my mother and excitedly asked my son to watch the movie with me on YouTube. It was a beautiful moment that bridged three generations through a single, long-lost memory.

There was a serial named 'Prayas' creating awareness on environmental protection, but I can't find any digital footprint of the show now.  I also liked to watch 'Ank Ajoobe'—hosted by Benjamin Gilani— where school teams competed in solving math challenges on national television, making numbers both fun and competitive. 'Ek Tha Rusty', based on Ruskin Bond's semi-autobiographical stories, transported viewers to the serene hills of Dehradun, where a boy named Rusty came of age in warm, slice-of-life episodes full of charm and simplicity. Meanwhile, 'Ek Se Badkar Ek' brought laughter into our life with its comic setup. 

Beyond fiction, I was amazed to watch natural world in a serial: Secrets of the Sea, led by the legendary Jacques Cousteau, offered gripping undersea adventures with awe-inspiring visuals. This show was aired long before the widespread adoption of the internet, so online archiving wasn't a standard practice. Today, I can remember only the name and a memory. 

I was in Class 9 when I started watching Ralph Bousfield: Uncharted Africa, aired as part of Discovery Hour on DD Metro, in which I followed the intrepid explorer through the forests, deserts and savannahs capturing wildlife and tribal customs. For the past few years, I had been trying to recall the name of this series from my memory and validate it on Google — often stumbling through the fog of forgotten details and failed searches — until finally, I recalled, and it felt like rediscovering a long-lost piece of the puzzle from my past.

DD itself has a vast archive, but only a fraction of its content, especially older niche shows, has been digitized and made publicly available online. A lot of the serials that are part of the childhood memories of millions have been lost during the analog to digital transformation. Together, these shows defined a generation of television that was wholesome, thoughtful, and quietly magical.

To share common experience and memory is the spirituality that DD has offered to 80's and 90's children. They were once source of joy in a life but now these memories seem far away. I was happy with the beauty of growing up in a time where life moved slower and hearts stayed open.  It is a lesson in the inaccessibility of the past that was woven into the rhythm of my life, with theme music of DD that marked the hours like temple bells.  

Thanks to Google Video — now rechristened as YouTube — and the many digital companions along the way like Google, AltaVista, Orkut, Facebook, and now Gemini and ChatGPT, my scattered memories slowly came together. Each search felt like a time capsule, until at last, I rediscovered that elusive piece of my past. As I write this blog post, I can’t help but feel a little old, stirred by the slow resurrection of emotions long buried in memory and heart.

Why I am infrequent here ?

"Sometimes one has to be a fool in the beginning, to become wise in the end." - Irving Stone, Lust for Life

It is human nature to underrate the present and grossly overrate the past. Life is full of these strange vignettes. So it’s easy to see why what others would call strange is simply pure normality to a person. I had gone through many small experiences that has changed me in a way that I could never go back to the carefree person I once was. I feel neither responsible, nor easy-going towards anything. A habit of seriousness coiled the soul. Amid this habit of pessimistic outlook towards life, I kept blog as a a diary in order to express inner feelings. Writing is one of my favorite hobby that I pursued with passion to understand life in little details. I was in an eternal search for an emotional anchor from long time. Slowly an inner frustration bloomed as mental blockage that can't be put in the word. I stopped writing and became infrequent here.

When we are in relations for the sake of it, they only serve to crush our life. Even when we try hard to live a life to that didn't naturally suited often gave a quick route to unhappiness. The big question arrived on the scene - Am I wasting entire life looking for what looks like a mirage? Frustrating jobs, private life in doldrums, and no financial base were always on the margin. I was lost in the dark side of the personal quest of happiness. It becomes mental stress to cope up with self expectation to fulfill potential and combating peer pressure. I was in dire need of huge detox for getting out of this negative frame of mind. Some miracle happened on Friday the 13th.

I met someone. It was the the moment of time in life when one person changes the journey of life. It’s in these moments of discovery and acceptance that the life finally comes into its own shadow. We talked few times and met once. We are getting married in upcoming January. 'Nidhi' is the name of my better half. She is a lovely, mature and confident person. I have found calmness and peace of the mind in my life partner lately. I am finding time and energy to do things I used to enjoy, like reading books, and finding happiness in small things in life. But with rediscovered inner tranquility, I will prefer to do meditation, jogging, explore nature, or do the many other things on my life to-do list. Writing is like an aesthetic part of my life. That is inseparable from me, and  I will rediscover my grove.

There are pain and tough times in life to ensure a balance is sought. It can't all be roses and bloom. There has to be a bit of dark days to remind us to not be complacent and to not take anything for granted. Often failure of dreams often rock our sleep. And, when you hit rock bottom the only way is up. As we get older, we come to appreciate the tough times; Just as bruises heal quicker on the young, so do mental scars. Life's bitterest tears are shed in the graveyards for the words that were left unspoken and for the deeds that were left undone... 

Gaining wisdom is hugely healthy for mind and body. It keeps us fresh. I re-framed personal and professional goals. I have been a work in progress for several years, and is a long way from realizing the full potential.Things doesn't changed in a day or two, I am finding today love gradually over time. We are on a journey into the unknown; their heads are clear. For me this is new beginning and success of relation is event horizon ; a story in which the journey itself is as important as the arrival. It is the importance of the present and the need to recover waste time. In the life marked by more ifs and buts than certainties, to dream of better future with a loved one is daring act. To express unspoken and write from heart is nice gesture. There are small comedies and romance of the everyday life that occur, that I love them in my own search for life and place. I try to join in my own good memories through all kinds of experience, through thick and thin, and finding myself when self-acceptance kicked in. I I think, is to bear the bad days with a smile. If you can do that, the good days become more and more frequent.

Role Models

India is passing through the transformative period when we are shifting slowly from being a culture "based on a largely diverse but shared core of faith, tradition and authority" to one in which "everything under sun, no matter how fundamental or deeply rooted in values, is under the scanner of reason". We need role models more than ever in this changing phase of economy and society. We have either western educated elites, who always remain resentful for anything traditional or nationalists who see every change as an act of corruption to pious way of Indian tradition. We need examples of person who are not involved in corruption, conspicuous consumption and oppression of their unlettered citizens. They must be good role models in the eyes of their less educated and younger compatriots. What I ask may sound unrealistic perfection of the characters, but we can lookfor.

Role modelling is important for a person. I was once destined for bigger and better things through IIT JEE. In the eyes of society, I was qualified for a glamorous life in a metropolitan, a job with the prestigious MNC and the pleasures of such lifestyle. Yet, I never arrived on the scene. DNA of my values were completely different. This is because, I chose different role models in my life. I am always a person looking for 'Balance' rather than 'Success' in life.

My brain not physique has always been my asset. While growing up, my role models were different from others. I use to prefer Robin Singh, Andy Flower, Heath Streak, Lance Klusener and Rahul Dravid for their grit and hard work. They were athletes playing for a weak team and often end up with the losing side despite brave efforts. That was the core reason for me becoming a supporter of underdogs. The noble knights of mythical stories, animated series of superheroes and Bollywood movies also contributed in building a character. I came to respect values like personal liberty, freedom and justice above identity issues. I have strong opinion in the favour of Edward Snowden, Aaron Swartz, Bradley Manning, and Julian Assange who are people who have the balls to do what they think is right.  The journalist like Arun Shourie, Christopher Hitchens and P Sainath are a source of inspiration to me. I took persons like Deep Joshi as perfect role model due to brilliant brain, compassion and integrity. I am a person who will any day prefer Dennis Ritchie to Steve Jobs. I prefer a role model who can be remarkable for their "intellectual complexity, compassion, and resourcefulness";

Moderates are made not born. - Robert M.Calhoon

Act 3, scene ii of Julius Caesar by William Shakespeare (Mark Antony: "The evil that men do lives after them; The good is oft interred with their bones". History makes people unidimensional and lives are summed up by a single incident. Hansie Cronje was my hero who can't do anything wrong. The Cronje Match fixing scandal was the most shocking incident with which the worship era of teenage years came to a disruptive end. It showed me that our heroes are fallible and the justice is important rather than following personality cult.  Even liking for a person must be built on hard facts. That was only half of the lesson.

The historical injustice are often mixed with our identities. There's a strong silence, sometimes people even don't want to listen leave apart understand it. Injustice is often inherent one in the system, it cannot exist without it. I can be an idealist and can be against everything—that won't change me. Can I look for some feasible solution ? I learn importance of practical and inclusive decision making from NDA government. I gradually came to respect Atal Bihari Vajpayee, Jawaharlal Nehru and Bhimrao Ambedkar for their role in political space. The other half of the lesson was delivered. I didn't turn into self righteous, cynical and vague critic due to a simple interest in politics.

I look for truth but am happy with less than perfect solution. That is why, I didn't turn a NaMo fan boy despite supporting BJP. Today, I am too radical for the conservatives and too social-democrat for the neo-liberals. I am committed to the higher values like justice, love, peace and freedom. I value excellence but pay heed to voices for equality. A person who shows me knowledge gets my attention but those who show wisdom always gets my respect. I am as reckless and foolish as only young men can be - and that is why ideological differences with family, friends and community appear in no quick time. I have a dry sense of the absurd mixed with humanistic, passionate and rational approach towards life.

It was one of the best moments of my life when I met Prof. M S Sriram at XIMB. He has an unsurpassed blend of the sublime and the precise knowledge combined with wit. I was much impressed with his gyaan but resisted taking his autograph for a particular reason. Autographs are taken by people who wants to collect soverigners and are struggling to find an identity for themselves. I am also struggling to build an identity. I want to explore it instead of handing useless bits of paper even to my role model.

Individual Moral Progress

Unbiased Analysis always reveal that a ‘cherished tradition’ is neither cherished, nor a tradition; its a easy and popular myth propagated by powerful ones. Once we create movements sought to challenge the power not just of social practices eventually they will challenge political order too. There is term used ‘Heckler’s Veto” that has been seen more in democracy mode of governance. Essentially it means that the state refuses to allow freedom of expression out of fear of someone else’s reaction. That is the one lethal aspect that holds moral progress of the whole nation.

People judge individuals by whether they comfort you or unsettle mentally and emotionally. So, it is always easy to look for the coziness and intimacy that is inherited in the established tradition, even it is wrong one. As the total rejection of old will lead them into unknown emotional landscape with no peers around them. Only Diversity and open communication can challenge our morals based on culture. Yes, the truth hurts. But the damage caused by a twisted tradition has a deeper, more lasting impact.

Most of the people clings to moral arrogance in the name of honor and pride of family, caste, nation even at the cost of lives of others. And they are ready to sacrifice for that code of honor. A disturbing truth - When a man does something for himself his actions are performed within certain limits – limits set by the jealous scrutiny of others. But let a man set out to sacrifice himself and do good to others , and the normal limits vanish. He can become completely ruthless (the injustices done by idealists, patriots, saints and crusaders are far greater than those done by the worst tyrants). Look in our sacred books : Its not the achievement but the sacrifice that made Ram worthy of worship. No religious book praise love between two humans, it gives value to valor, courage and sacrifice for a greater cause.

Or society consists of three class : 'Traditional Conservative' as majority, 'Operational conservative yet theoretical liberal' and 'Ultra- liberals' as minority. What if even one is on the side of evil but believe in the righteousness of cause on the basis of faith ? That is the path of our traditional ones seeing things in more black and white. That makes a capable person dangerous is his/her conviction. However ultra liberals are immune to social pressure. Either due to wealth or grooming in open thoughts. However, Individual thinking is partially bounded by to the consequences of collective insanity. The buffer between conservatives and liberal provides an atmosphere for adaption of new idea.

As we know that the number of people willing to change their views in the face of evidence is much too small. Then, how is moral progress has been made in the past ? When we get used to something, it loses its shock value, it loses disgust value and now you are just much more open. That is the simple way of change. The fear of revolutionary change always led public to embrace tradition and theology. Hence, reformation is the way  of gradual and painstaking process. It can only be built-up through dialogues and struggles even it is usually termed as heresy by traditional pundits.

In closest friends, only Shreyash and Chandan, with whom I can shared highly controversial social and non- aesthetic ideas. I have observed that living a normal life in itself is one of the biggest challenges. Because there is no such thing as normal for any time and place. While rejecting extremist right and left political views, and I try to take a flexible position, although having a rather pessimistic, view of the society. I have question relevant and validity of values what has been taught to me by school, family and even friends. It may be called day dreaming, but that is however unsettling, new ideas has came inside my head through curiosity to explore new terrain of values. It has involved painful process of ignoring epidemic of ignorance in friends, family and society willfully. I have taken part in a survey on morals [Source] whose result is published below.





Man learns a lot more while he is traveling or reading. A open mind can hold two opposite views in mind at same time and understand dichotomy of the situation. I am enlisting four simple ways that opens the path of liberal thinking to an individual.

1- Diverse set of material in reading is must. Otherwise, books become propaganda. Through words, sometimes books have disturb the comfortable & comfort the disturbed state of mind.

2- Self Imposed Solitude takes away peer pressure and the limelight. One critically look at his knowledge and world around again with patience in that period. That is a rare thing to do.

3- Exile away from home gives most insights about tolerance of others values. Hostel Life and Travel thus make people more mature and open to new ideas.

4- Last way to chart on the path of liberalism is sarcasm and comedy. Make fun of everything/everybody that is sacred, powerful, or stupid.

August 21, 2013 is Blue Moon

August 21, 2013 is Blue Moon. The phrase 'Once in a blue moon' has come to mean something that incurs very infrequently. So is my birthday that happens only once in a year. Life is looking okay for now. Off the job, well, not quite smooth. I have seen now 28 years of life of details.

The perennial question from childhood in my mind is - Is it merely an accident of birth that led to one person having huge wealth and other condemned to poverty ? The search for the answer of this question has made me an idealist in this practical world. To argue with one's own kin and friends for the ideal of fairness is difficult. One has to drop imposed morality and biased faith for one's own. I try to explore the issues of social hierarchy, religion, loyalty, corruption, sexuality, war, crime, and punishment by becoming morally ambiguous. I am ready to inherited cultural values if they are not respecting human rights. Even I have been rubbing with the comforts, the ragged edges of reality are forever pierced in my heart.

The things we admire in men; kindness and generosity, openness, honesty, understanding and feeling are the concomitants of failure in our system. And traits we detest; sharpness, greed, acquisitiveness, meanness, egotism and self-interest are the traits of success. And while men admire the quality of the first, they love the produce of the second. - John Steinbeck

We are the choices that we made. Sometimes good and other times bad. Mechanical engineering was out for me because of my inability to grasp technical concepts at engineering and lethargy. That left me with job in IT sector but I came to conclusion that negative choices are always the worst choices. I never feel to be such out of place and failure as in the engineering sector. The privilege of failure must not be taken away because to have continued success gives birth to mediocrity. It is the struggles and perseverance that has made me much strong today. Today, I am thankful to bad ones for widening my experiences.

No one ever owns up youth or the women he loves. But there is great mystery in love as it doesn't obey our expectations. Sometimes love is unrequited and unfulfilled. I may be a loner but definitely not a monk, voyeur or hermit. But this desire is like abyss. I am not even sure now what is true now in love. Let me not dwell into ancient evenings and distant music of past. Alas ! they are gone. I am ready for the new encounters, passions and sufferings in the love.

I have so many layers in memory, that I can peel away a few in the words. I had acted like another person so many times yet I was coming to the term of my real self slowly. Even self is dynamic notion but I was more of myself in recent years. Personal identity is an enigma, fragile & tenacious woven by threads of choices and inheritances. I assume that we all are held together by wisps of memory, few strong and mostly feeble.

The pace of life is unhurried nut not slow. While others plan, I dream. Yes, there is chaos in the dream but its worth it. I am happy to take the path of my heart without giving up for trend, instant relief and gratification. Notion about me by others is impossible to change. I do not sulk about missing out but get excited by what lies ahead. With growing age one owes responsibilities, more burdens, more obligations and also comes our ability to deal with the complexity. I don't know what lies ahead in the womb of future. Let us play between serendipity and causality. Life is strange. That is for sure. I am doing what I assume as right.

Stereotype Me !

Never forget where you came from that is what I learn all these years. It may not define you but gives a reference point to start. All of us must take an emotional journey to discover the roots, the cultural identity and constantly looking our own future course of action. I try much to write frankly, clearly and not with bitter heart. I am rooted in my local culture but I am not closed. I am aiming to be liberal while trying not be indifferent and disrespectful of the conservative surroundings. I'm not exactly as I appear as a stereotype. There is a warm loveable person inside. Beneath my cold exterior, once you break the ice, you can find a warm heart waiting for the embracement for new ideas.

Cultural entities and characteristics do require microfoundations. My grandfather was most liberal and chilled out person in my whole family. I learnt love of Nature, Urdu Couplets and Hindi Literature from my father. The zeal to read newspaper, fiction and nonfiction literature is a trait inherited by me from the parents. As I grew and traveled, I find some factors that were used to define my identity. There are few parameters that defined in both good and bad way. I can easily see mine upbringing and even behaviour belonging to certain reference groups. I marked out five attributes as per seen through lens of stereotype. Is that all there in me? Let us began to a cultural inquiry -

Religion Hindu - A grand religion whose majority exist in India. And yes they are tolerant in mind but highly illiberal in practice. Even the childhood environment around me was not religious, I was particularly attracted towards Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh (RSS) books. Usually traits of the majority can never be cause of retrospection unless forced and shaken under the crisis of identity. It was the time of Babri Masjid demolition that started my journey into Hinduism through mythological and history books. I slowly understand meaning of secular. I came to believe that human progress cannot be stopped and religion is an outdated idea. While going through agnostic and atheistic path, I tried to look Hinduism as an outsider. Because, only an outsider gets closer to certain difficult truths, and is therefore likely to see the contradictions and absurdities prevailing inside the system.

High Caste - I was born in caste of Bhumihar Brahmins. For starters, Who are Bhumihars ? As per Mark Tully Book, Bhumihars were brahmins until buddhist period and then we converted to Buddhism. In the fourth and fifth century, Buddhists started converting back to Hinduism. The Brahmin said that we could return to the fold but we couldn't be priests and take money for conducting religious ceremonies, so we became the only Brahmins who tilled the soil. They were not in the league of top notch Brahmins who performed Yagnas still practicing warrior and agriculture practices. My caste has not been subjected to any oppression in the past hence, I naturally belong to a privileged caste. Few may have heard of notorious and brutal Ranvir Sena.

Social positions and roles can't fill pursuit for happiness, somehow they become instruments of discrimination. Surrender to the community pressure has inherent danger of the gradual loss of free will and independent thinking. Sometimes a taboo or resistance from family can trigger to begin the struggle to come to terms with this caste identity, reservation politics and surname. It took many years and still in process to learn about social justice in a casteist society.

English Medium Education - I was lucky to have education at primary level in Hindi Medium. Otherwise, the privilege of studying in English medium has side effects. The English books may give global values but often cut from the local realities. The collective ignorance only strengthened my conviction that the English-reading public needed to be exposed to their own mother tongue literature. Retrospecting now, it is impossible to read the book without considering the world whose values it reflects. I glanced English newspaper first time in class 9th. Currently, I am in refuge of English and isolation from Hindi is growing day by day.

Hindi speaking North Indian - At times it seems as though the cultural divide, the mental walls, are deeper and taller than any physical barrier underway. Among such issues, I feel not talk further but request you to read an intrinsic and comic stereotype of an UPite. A piece published in Tehelka as 'The Bhaiyya, the Bandit and the Bak-bak artist'.

Middle Class - To be ultra rich and feared in an unjust society is a disgrace. As per World Bank data of 2010, 96.3% live on less than $5 a day in India. [Data Source] I was sure much above this majority belonging to a middle class upbringing with good opportunities of education and health facilities. Yes today middle class, which has renamed itself aam admi is enjoying the subsidies while benefits of government schemes are not reaching to the poor class. There is a bit of notion among elite and middle class that their success is purely due to merit. But their social success apparently has nothing to do with their social background. being from the best schools and meeting the best people at the best clubs. The whole middle class has been built on some sort of subsidy, corruption, tax relief/theft and assets such as land holdings. The denial of inherited benefits runs deep in many people stereotyping these qualification.

So what is the way to break these stereotypes ? Even today, our collective attitudes and prejudices towards remain a lot similar to what they were till a few decades back. There is a wave of modernism in India yet there is no sign of liberal mentality. The ultra-conservative mindset race, caste and class reappear when people in India actually engage with difference. Sociologist Shiv Visvanathan has a phrase for him: the pragmatic conservative, who espouses zero-tolerance political morality and chalta hai expediency, who wants sex before marriage as well as a classified match.  Despite of several years of coexistence, there is an unwritten rule of not mingling through marriage of one religion or caste. Getting people out of the reference groups is only a sure way to activate human relationships.

The broadening of my studies into history showed me that rhetoric and reality go their separate ways. I often find themselves in surroundings, where I don't fit in and even know how to deal with people having backward thinking. I always find the smarter thing to do is to acknowledge the drawbacks and actively seek for ways to address them. Equality and inclusiveness are two principles through which every wrong can be put to right.

I am born and brought up with this identity and education. Self education through books, cinema and meditation was more transformational experience in the overall context of mine intellectual and emotional development. Whatever we understand and enjoy in human products instantly becomes ours, wherever they might have their origin. That is mantra of my life. The joy of flying in the sky is always more than nested life. That is why I change careers so frequently than others. So don't stereotype me. Every rebel becomes a conformist, hence my real insecurity begins now.

Lottery of birth : Raoul Martinez at TEDxWhitechapel

That's The Way Life is

I live, I go daily through tides of emotions, I express, I learn, I figure out where I went wrong. That's what living is for me. A realm of emotional stampede to the moments of peaceful bliss. The world swings between two extreme so is the personal life of the author. Life was scarred by emotional volatility. I am at the moment, is living in the zone. I need to earn respect and freedom more than money. Respect can't be bought, it has to be earned. So, what the heck that means ? Sometimes people deserve their work rewarded through likability not monetary compensation.

Going through the season of emotional stampedes has always revealed a trait inside me something dark. I don't know what is in the air of college and office that I slowly starts to enjoy proximity to the power. I had unknowingly regraded to become more diplomatic rather than being candid and blunt.Lightning doesn't strike at same place twice but bad habits can make you repay again and again. Still, I have history of screwing up in the end good relationship with several teachers. I have always regret for such behaviour.

What's the right thing to do ? I am a person who is unwavering in his principles, but flexible and open in the practice. That has led to a strange situation where being too much flexible shows a lack of conviction but rigidity has led to the lack of creativity or even worse pride.

How can a man go wrong and not know why ? A wrong choice is necessary to know what were the right alternatives. Love cures angst, bitterness and a sense of violation and isolation. Even I gather wisdom from esteemed and forgotten peoples, I don't believe anything except love. Any feeling of revenge, pride and even moral laws contrasting love is invalid for me.

Is doing things faster will makes a life more happier ? The most important things in life: the patience ; Having patience to wait and having to deal with our urges without having them satisfied instantly is what builds character. Then what is life, full of ethical challenges.

It is tough to teach oneself discipline in the daily routine and work. I had achieved this for 2 months during class 9th. Its not demons but lethargy driving me towards abyss of procrastination. There is no solace for quitter. It takes twenty-one days to form a habit. Wake up !!!

Let us talk about relations. What a strange thing generational gap is, it changes perception about of life. One generation’s work and sacrifice always creates windows of opportunities and even over-confidence in the next. As the old Romanian saying goes, "good people always fit together", I am lucky to have good friends. I treasure friends for only they will give support in the hour of need.

These lines are not sudden realization. It has come in the moments of solitude and reflection. Every wave of personal reform creates a new pretext for the fall. But periods of introspections are necessary. An arresting article can be montage but can't be the same as an idea in action. Bottom line, as traditional wisdom always say: Good is the biggest enemy of great. My biggest risk isn't failing, it's getting too comfortable.

Attention Deficiency

Attention span refers to the amount of time we can focus on a task before we start to "zone out". Due to boom of the social media, the average attention span has dropped from 12 minutes to a staggeringly short 5 minutes. People’s attention spans are much shorter now as their interests have moved on to sports, technology and fashion. The attitude of our younger generation has changed so rapidly with the introduction of Twitter and Facebook. Even then social media can't be blamed entirely as knowledge accumulates to people who read Wikipedia on screen that to those who mush their brains with Twilight on paper.

“According to UNESCO, the biggest single indicator of whether a child is going to thrive at school and in work is whether or not they read for pleasure.” Growing numbers of children are being turned off books by the end of primary school because of the influence of the internet and lack of reading in the home, according to research. I don't vouch for the American children but I am personally having a lot of problem in concentrating. Usage of Internet and unorganized lifestyle can be attributed as one of the reason to this. May be I have Attention deficit disorder in low amount.

Paying attention, for long periods of time, is a form of endurance athleticism. And I am losing the ability to focus on a particular task for long periods of time. I can't even watch 2 hours movie in one seating due to anxiety and lack of concentration. So this is worse state of a self declared cinephile. I open up multiple tab on internet browsers while count of articles read per day has been drastically reduced. Its a worrisome situation as this has never occurred to me before. It is important to talk about my fear of becoming restless, because if I don't it will throw me out of balance in daily life.

May be its case of digital dementia where use of excessive Internet makes one dumb. There is an old wisdom that a real person is not a slave or an addict to anything. I am also recognizing the fact that harm is not in the act but in addiction. Also sitting 7-10 hours daily on internet is not a case of shooting oneself in the foot, but shooting oneself in the head. My deepest fear is not that I am inadequate for more learning, its that i assume myself well informed above the level of the peers. Trying flamboyance with ignorance to justify one's own perception as intellectual in public is suicidal and worth a big laugh. Every skill fades erodes with the time without practice and even mighty talented need to nurture competency level. Who am I to claim of being focused when I am unable to read a page or listen to a song without switching to other jobs. Life is the best teacher one can have. If only younger managers like me surf fewer hours on internet and lived life more!

I have not written a word above that how I am facing a big writer's block. The best way to overcome writer's block is to write. I recently found a good advice on writing in a movie : Finding Forrester - You must write your first draft with your heart. You rewrite with your head. The first key to writing is... to write, not to think ! The process of manufacturing article through selected keywords is hurting the growth prospect of a writer inside me. I had lost the great tranquility of heart where I care neither for the praises nor the fault-finding of people. Tough questions and tough decisions can't wait forever. I have remained enough patient and its time to figure out how. Not every person can be proactive but it would be suicidal and lethargic not to be reactive either.

This blog article in itself is a solid attempt to rethink about stagnation in ideas and deficiency in attention span. Suddenly, I remembered this fall into abyss was initiated long ago when I stopped writing poems, how lame they may be. Path of small stream of creativity was blocked months ago. The quest to read, watch and listen only without putting a single word back on paper has became self defeating now in real sense. Mind can't take any more information anymore. There is a dire need to focus either through meditation or doing anything creative. As a sentient life-form, I hereby seek asylum in a vacuum far away from all networks.

Personal Reading History -2

‘Time, like a fistful of sand, slips through our fingers while we stand and wonder what to do with it.’

A habit is must for proper utilization of the time during our growing years. I had a nice habit of book and comics reading from the childhood days. I have already written a brief about reading history in a previous post (Personal Reading History -1). In retrospection, it feels great that I have read so many books, comics, stories and poems.

I want to read with the growing age the best of all world literature. It varies with the short stories of Anton Chekhov, Guy De Maupassant, Somerset Maugham, Tolstoy, Oscar Wilde and O Henry. UP, CBSE and ICSE board short stories and in English and Hindi from class 5th to 12th were fondly read by me. Smriti by Sriram Sharma, Gift of the Magi by O Henry, The Model Millionaire by Oscar Wilde, Idgaah by Premchand and A Letter to God by Gregorio Lopez y Fuentes (Translated by Donald A. Yates ) are still mine favorite stories.

Books Read at friend's place: Panchatantra, Sindbad the Sailor, Pinocchio, My experiments with Truth, Gulliver Travels, Chandrakanta Santati and Prisoner of Zenda.

Books read in School Library : Moby Dick, Three Musketeers, The count of Monte-Cristo, A Christmas Carol, Time Machine, The War of Worlds, The Invisible Man, The Thirty Nine Steps, Oliver Twist, Great Expectation, You can win by Shiv Khera, Frankestein, The Red badge of courage, King Arthur and Round Tale, Sunny Days, Malgudi Days, Plays of Shakespeare

Books Read in Hindi Translation: David Copperfield, Ivanhoe, The Man in Iron Mask, Black Beauty, Call of the Wild , Treasure Island, Kidnapped, Black Tulip, Alice in Wonderland, Robinson Crusoe, Swiss Family Robinson, Talisman, Don Quixote, Robin hood, Around the world in eighty days, Coral Island, The Adventure of Tom Sawyer, 20,000 Leagues under the Sea.

These books were treasure house of enjoyable and informative literature that I had read in my wonder years. Sometimes, it was encouragement of the parents and cousins that later on converted into my own initiative. Thanks to my sister also who competed with me in finishing a book as fast as possible. Later on, the reading habit died due to my own negligence beyond class 10th.

I never seek happiness as those who run only for happiness never find it. On the surface when life becomes "eat, drink, be merry." It is superficial, and one day everybody get bored sooner or later. Some will seek refuge in religion and others in the work. It is extremely important to pick an advisors, mentors, friends and role models who are concerned about our intellectual growth and not just our productivity. Productivity is just like machine but thinking is done at different levels. We can only pick the best of ideas by becoming morally serious and intellectually curious.

I like books and write outdated essays on the blog. I always aspired to become an average educated reader for understanding the world around me. Currently, I appreciate reading mostly non fiction books. Simultaneously, I introduce popular concepts and idea that focus on the problems and prospects of sustainable development at this blog in a lucid manner. I feel indeed as a custodian of a common heritage of the civilized world through this cultural tradition of reading and writing.

As a grown person, it seems beyond understanding that scholars have stopped just reading novels and poems and started studying them. That is tragedy of Literature. While most of mine friends and classmate lack the habit of reading books for pleasure. Only few had started reading beyond school books, other just prefer to watch TV and Internet. They watch TV so the attention span is low. May be because people don’t read books these days.

Reading is tough and requires patience. It actually needs application to grasp the meaning of words and find hidden emotions between the lines. I act as writer at this blog. This blog is a demanding, difficult and not much reader friendly...highly personal place, typically filled with short insights. But if you have arrived here for a light-hearted entertainment's on your mind, then this blog is a wrong location in blogosphere.

As a writer, I have began to doubt my own capacity to see things unbiased, when I no longer am sure if my view is right or left. Yet, I am trying to remain as independent as possible. I suspect that market forces have altered the behavior of writers. That bothers me a lot. I will easily pass away, unnoticed and unremarked with time. Just let me read and write without censure story of my own. I thanks books as they had changed exposure and outlook. A nation must have its culture rebels, prophets, saints, heroes and martyrs. I am none but a Reader and Writer.

The year that was....

Year started with interview at IRMA. Failure in IRMA was hard to swallow. As they say, it rains hardest on those who deserve the sun. I learnt in hard way that never make a tall claim. Tall claim have a nasty way of coming back like boomerang to haunt you.

On Leaving CSC : Talent leaves deadwood does not. It is hard to work somewhere without proper training and background. Without context and passion, the life becomes incomprehensible.

Though there are artificial problems, I want to address human problems. I was luckily selected in XIMB. I am in the phase of rebuilding mine career now. I hope to be riding the crest of the wave that hard work has created.

The most terrible poverty is the feeling of being unloved. I found someone special. The truth of the heart can only be seen in the eyes of one who is in love. There is someone in my life. I am seeking the relationship with love and trust despite differences of age, thoughts, hobby and attitude. I am plan to be surprised by the life.

A world with only atheists would be a world with with so less holidays. There is too less holidays and lot of academic pressure here at XIMB. Still, I feel that the pain of discipline is nothing like the pain of disappointment. I have chosen to take the road less travelled on and has found myself alone in the route of rural management program.

Non-conformists always has a minor support base! This is the price one has to pay for breaking or making your own rules. Mainstream only talks but avoid the right path. It is always a dissident, a rebel, somebody always ready to buck the mainstream trend. It is important not to accept a statement as true simply because it was written in a book, but rather to rely on his own mind and reasoning.

Mainstream books and cinema always try to put a clean and family value supporting image and articles. It's few dissdents who reveal the dirty picture! Only few selected movies seen in the second half of the year. Censorship to me is any hurdle or impediment in the way of free speech. I created a secret blog to update daily upheaval and learning at XIMB. Hoping for the growth of ideas of the transparency and open governance.

Unless I have set a right balance between self-confidence and self-doubt, I can't emerge as a good scholar in any field. I am trying to control addictive habits and inculcate new habits. Mission, Vision and Complex problems bring out creative leadership. Hoping for emergence of a quantum of leader in me.

Whatever said here is mostly waste. The rest is silence. That silent part of life is my heart.

The best tweet of 2012: “September 17th. Wall Street. Bring Tent, a simple plea on Twitter that started the Occupy Revolution.

Personal Reading History -1

"It is good to be curious because that is how one starts the journey of inquiry... into existence; but if one simply remains curious, then there will be no intensity in it. One can move from one curiosity to another — one will become a driftwood — from one wave to another wave, never getting anchored anywhere. Curiosity is good as a beginning, but then one has to become more passionate. One has to make life a quest, not only a curiosity." --- Osho

I am now searching the root of mine reading habits and how they have changed my behavior over the span of time. Even though I was attracted towards school books, I don't remember any interest in the reading at KG level. Only memory I have of reading, it is of nursery rhyme 'Johnny Johnny Yes Papa' in the classroom. I spent most of the time listening to the old songs of Kishore Kumar and Mahendra Kumar in the cassette player.

I had started reading Children stories in Hindi newspaper 'Dainik Jagran' initially in the childhood. I was reading stories and poems in the school books. Chamapak for toddlers, Balhans for folk and patriotic stories, Nandan with tales of kings and queens and Nanhe Samrat with its Murkhistan were made available for us by our parents. I was more fond of reading comics of various desi superheroes. But the summarized five page short summary of world famous novel in Nandan was my favourite of all. Suman Saurabh and Chandamama were also there but there stories were interesting but in the discrete form dispersed over various magazine issues. But the story of Vikram Betal and Ulysses left a deep impact on me for epic novels and drama.

This was the phase of my life when I was more interested in religious texts. I had finished reading of Ramcharitmanas and Ramayan till the age of 9 years. Then, I also read a lot of Gitapress books about the life of Srikrishna. By sheer chance only, I never had opportunity to read any Amar Chitra Katha. Also, I was taught various short stanzas of Rahim, Raskhan, Dinkar, Niraala and Kabir.

Now comes mine fanatical reading of comics portion. I was avid reader of Naagraj, Super Commando Dhruv, Tausi, Doga, Parmanu, Chacha Chaudary and Ram-Rahim. I never had any chance to read english comic strips like Archie or Calvin-Hobbes.

One more subject that drew my attention was history books. Since, there were no hundered of comics available for a fast reader like me at maternal grandmother's home, I was given history book of 10th, 12th and graduation. It has most powerful impact on my memory. I was sheer delighted by the concept of revolution that happened in France and Russia. The complex name of Rousseau and Voltaire became familiar for me. It was also win win solution for everybody as it kept me engaged for a long time and I was like enjoying the dive into the world of knowledge.

Life as I know It

Anton Chekhov once said that you must trust and believe in people or life becomes impossible.

There was a vacuum inside despite of huge knowledge in comparison to peers. You can't be thrilled with the life if it is full of knowledge.

One who not been able to love, or not been able to receive love. He has not been able to share his being. That’s the misery of one's existence. The worst bit is one does not know where to seek love.

People have no idea and nor do they care how a loner live and struggle. Life was rather repulsive once! Anton Chekhov once said that people who lead a lonely existence always have something on their minds that they are eager to talk about.

I was alone once yet not lonely. A development of relationship blossomed but was crushed in between. Aren't the most painful stories those where the relations are left broken yet open? Yet, I prefer silence than stories.

It takes the darkest hour of your life to find yourself. The more I know who I am and what I want in the life, the less I let things upset me. No matter what happens, i will not live with a incompatible person.

When love happens, life takes a turn. I am turning !

What one want to communicate and what one hope to communicate matches then the heart becomes full of joy. All shades of sarcasm, mysticism and sorrow sublime into thin air. Reconstruction at any age in any heart will heal the anger that shackle the bonds of love.

Does a life story need to conclude and make sense, like winning at the end of struggle, or rain after a long period of drought? Life is long and destination unseen.

I have learned all these years that life and dreams can never meet because when they meet both will loose their meaning. But, I was dead wrong. Even life is full of paradox, it seems complementary.

I have seen enough days of summer, there is autumn in my life. I am feeling happy. No matter how cool, strong or smart, every man is a fool in love. If you are in love, everything falls into line, everything falls together in a harmony, everything starts having significance.

Annus Mirabilis

26 years of Life completed on 21st August. Yahoo !

Annus mirabilis is a Latin phrase meaning "wonderful year" or "year of wonders". A year where many dreams blossomed and similarly many nightmares ended. So life was never better than previous year (Though just late but not too late for me). Between the end of the illusions and the awakening as a different person.

I am missing my friends today. But now, they have all gone into parts of India -- and I remain alone here, with only their memories in my heart, and tears in my eyes.

"When the facts change, I change my mind," said Lord Keynes once. I am also doing the same while understanding the tussle, cooperation and competition between development sector and corporate sector in academic life here.

The motto of life in the busy schedules of life has changed to न दैन्यं न पलायनम् !

Introspection

Welcome, there is a change in the Blog outlook to make it more simple and sober. I did this after struggling with slow internet connection. I am wandering in the landscape of loneliness. Today, I writing this blog in order to comprehend, not to express myself. A paradigm shift in mine thinking !

How many memories/information can a person stand, and how many does he need? Does one need either huge academic knowledge or field work only to prove his case of merit ? What is the definition of luxury or necessity for a family (not individual)? These are some basic question that is haunting me. Leave alone these question on fate.

Despite introspection, We Are Strangers to Ourselves. Ability to be ourselves is crucial, not flowing in the shallow water of superficiality. There is inbuilt existential frustation and restlessness in humans. No person can escape from the thoughts buzzing in the mind. The difference between getting lost and finding new ways distinct achievers in the fighters.

One has to eliminate what one does not aspire for and then start search for what one aspires. When everything is at stake there is nothing to lose. The phase of learning is always unglamarous and difficult in the nature. But when inspired by inner zeal, nothing in the world can stop what must rise. There will be lot of failures and setbacks in the initial years. And a floating question : Is it worth it ? But life goes on with unanswered questions.

The paradox happens when one read something like that : Doing what you know is fun, but doesn't improve you. That really hits your instinct and challenges for uplifting your standards.

A life well lived for others and with others is mine aim. Otherwise, In the words of Anton Chekhov - "Any idiot can face a crisis - it's day to day living that wears you out." Do anyone wants such meaningless life ? I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate. Need a little dose of madness to become free. One need to ask : What's next? How to improve? What's this worth? Why is this happening?

Thought of the Day : ‎"He’s freed from his loneliness by the word. Isn’t that the point of poetry? Breaking through the walls of solitude. Poetry is the great S.O.S. of loneliness." --Anna Kamienska

Two Videos and Five Points Observed

Derek Sivers: How to start a movement

With help from some surprising footage, Derek Sivers explains how movements really get started. (Hint: it takes two.) A pioneer with courage has just to stand up and do it first :)TED Video



There were five points that I came across in recent days. Each of them opened a new door of analysing the world and mine life in different manner.

1- One question recently bumped me off : Am I A Product Of The Institutions I Attended? I am caught in the web of traditional outlook of liberal, conservative, socialist, anarchist or even fascist. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts. That is the human nature emerges as a complex patterns out of a multiplicity of relatively simple interactions.

Much of learning is not done in the confined environment of the institute. Institutes are just facilitator for providing suitable environment for the growth of an individual. But an institution should balance insanity and genius activity of the individual. Institution that reduces risk taking ability of the student as per trade off of the luxury harms overall welfare of the society. Here, the catch is that the idea of 'luxury' and 'necessities' is subjective in nature. Institutions end up in becoming one's brand/identity for lifetime that holds opposite of the development of an individual.

2- A question is not a test of memory, but a test of understanding. That should be an ideal way of learning about new field. Exams are more oriented towards memory cramping rather than understanding. Open book test gives better idea of genius in the class :)

3- The most marketable skill in India today is the ability to abandon your identity and slip into someone else's. The loss of one's identity so easily for economic reasons appears a complex issue to me. On one hand, it proves adaptability while on other, an unsustainable way of development.

4- All heroic acts are foolish to your contemporaries! The acts may be original rather than research but society gives importance to mediocrity at any moment of time. The people who have been understood are third rate. They are understood because they are saying the same things that you already believe in. It is always better to be Socrates rather than Gandhi at any moment of life for me. It will land great part of your life in loneliness but that is another story of different aspect.

5- Decorum is linked to policing in India. Yes, the study of Indian Government will prove this right.

Why You Need to Fail - by Derek Sivers

The video shows the importance of failure - for effective learning, growth mindset, and quality through experimentation. The message of the video is inspiring and worth remembering : Doing what you know is fun, but doesn't improve you.

Socha na tha....

A scarcity of availability and a ticking clock changes our perspective and the desire to take action. I have become busy in the new routine of Yem Bee Aey (MBA)college. I am not able to read and write due to busy lifestyle. I have never imagined that a day like this can come !

An advertisement (spoof) on the fact that major credit card and online payment companies have withheld over $15 Million in donations to WikiLeaks has created a buzz between liberals and youths.



Support WikiLeaks ; Inspired by Wikileaks, I have started a secret blog --- Diary of A Grass Root Manager !. I am updating this blog as per weekly basis with both positive and negative perspective of my stay here in XIMB. Nobody can access the blog now due to its sensitive nature. I will make the blog available in public realm after getting my MBA degree.

A person should have right to document his experiences and learning. I can't rely always on the history lessons presented by state or authority. Milan Kundera has famously commented in 'The Book of Laughter and Forgetting, 1979' : The struggle of man against power is the struggle of memory against forgetting. My experiment with storage of my experiences and memories has started in the form of online blog diary.Wish me luck for my experiment.

Dil jaise dhadke dhadakne do....

There are so many books, blogs and magazines in this world, nobody can read them all. Nobody is waiting for another one of them. If I didn't have to write in order to keep myself together, I wouldn't do it. I don't want to be a seasoned writer, this isn't the reason I write.

Every man dies, not every man observe how he really lives. I enjoys writing and reading but it consumes a lot of energy. I am not even replying to the comments. Such is the phase of life going on.

I am going for higher education and have faith on my talent. This job has taught me not to expect the better man to bow before the fool. To be better take more guts than average thinking. Those who can't say Fuck to their status, can't design the future.

There are people who have once survived through some life time experience and don't understand the nature of it. Experience can supply the information but even then wisdom may lack. Equally, There are people who have not gone through life time experience but have understand and written about it. I do not understand this natural world and mysterious universe of relations . I do not understand. That is why I write, because I do not understand. I just have no choice, or rather, it wasn't I who chose.

Many persons have tried to emulate IT sector top-down economic model, but most are stuck with the Indian reality. Hence, I decided to jump directly in Indian reality. Also, there is no point in doing what is not my strength.

I have became strong in the personal life as lot of past issues were closed. A lot of manipulative and playful relationships were broken. The women psyche, I started understanding a little here bit in this place. But, overall saying goodbye to friends is most difficult of all seprations..

Time to wind up memories. Time to pack up. A new chapter in life. Will miss you Hyderabad !

Fathers and Sons

One realizes one's root when every new occurrence brings back a memory and search for an identity is over. I was trying to track history of my family through relations of fathers and sons and tell a simple story. It is not summary of growing divide between the generations but a simple tale documented fist time ever.

It is a story of my family based on the values that changed with time yet remain same in core. My great grandfather had been 10+2 passed out (first in my family) in 1902. He was born in mid 1880's and joined Primary School as a teacher despite of Zamindari background. My grandfather was born in 1920's and was educated till High-school. He didn't do any job due to his Zamindari Background. Such was the difference of view between them.

My grandfather was eldest of three brothers and remain a farmer till his last breathe. His brothers went to Jharia Bihar to work in coal mines. With the Zamindari system being abolished after independence and few court cases, the family fortune declined slowly. When great-grandfather was on the verge of the death, he said only this to his sons and grandsons : Let all things fall apart but never compromise on the education of children.

I am not eligible to comment on the education of families of other grandfathers. My grandfather has three sons and one daughter. We call biggest uncle babuji and middle one chacha. My father is younger of all siblings.

There were tough days coming ahead for the family. Babuji  followed the word of his grandfather and the level education in our family gradully rises above other families in the village and community despite of financial constraint.

The economical crisis can crush the dream and a man has to compromise lesser than his talent. When it is like not to have enough, its a all different learning experience. Tough times never last, but tough people do! That was the experience of mine father and his brothers of all those years.

It is assumed now-days that person whoever expected the young to be responsible anyway lacks sense ! But a generation ahead of me struggled and achieved education and economic stability.  Today, whenever I learn anything I remember the last words of my great grandfather that changed destiny of a farmer family.

I realized that during hard times, families pull together. If I observe anything from my past and forefathers, success will come by pulling together as families and stressing good education for everyone.

It is always better to have seen a place than never to have visited it. That I always remember while visiting many places around the world. My ancestral place still gives me different feeling whenever I experience some time span there. What is a man without forefathers vision and care...

Avoid Reading My Blog

Living a regular and tedious life, suddenly I started pondering over thought that whether professional and personal success are mutually exclusive. I find a certain rootlessness, a deracination. But they are only passing thoughts.

Currently, I am in mood of celebration, as the coming to power of the Trinamool Congress is a Berlin-wall-breaking moment. The last big state holding Communist is gone with the winds. The decay of Left has started on that day when the arrogance of power led them to adopt narrow, sectarian and regional politics. There was no more unconditional affiliation or ideology-based support in voting this time.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions is a proverb or aphorism. An example is the economic policies of the Bengal. That is why I stress for an individual in learning in detail at-least one aspect of society.

Clueless ‘intellectuals’ and bureaucrats are arguing all day have never created a job. Ground reality is different. Experience counts and it can't be replaced with theoretical modelling. As there is a huge gap between policy makers and beneficiaries, the conditions of people will not improve even on applying several welfare plans.

Policy framework and a honest (not clueless also ) leader is required for our country.
Reform Is not possible without knowing the truth and if one denies reality. But humans are little different. Humans, and all collections of humans, tend to take honest stock only when they hit rock bottom. Surely, left has hit the rock bottom now.

Whenever I see Naom Chomsky, I respect him immensely as compelling his criticism, breathtaking is his knowledge, persuasive is his voice, and deep runs his humanity. Naom Chomsky exposes hypocrisy of US when US don't practise what it preach in its domestic and foreign policy. Arundhuti Roy and Nadeem F Paracha are doing same for their respective nations. While other Che aspirants turning into drawing-room Pol Pots, the nation goes down in big way...

Examine here, I can't write about personal life without talking about society and politics. What a drag I am proving to be. When one declare some vow in open, and then fail. One will not be able to take same vow again. If I had gone in personal writing mission unspoken, that could have been much better. As they say even unrealized acts have more effects than deliberate attempts. Really, I am not a voice of sanity ! Avoid Reading My Blog :)

Life Sahi Hai, Tension Nahi Hai

मेरे ब्लॉग पर बहुत पोस्ट हैं लेकिन सब के सब जोड़ तोड़ एंड फिर घटजोड़ कर के लिखे गए हैं. बहुत कम में स्वंय का योगदान है और अधिकतर में केवल किताबी ज्ञान और दूसरों का प्रभाव है. साले बहुत से एकदम बासी हैं कागज़ के फूलों की तरह. क्यों कागज़ के फूल, उसमें जीवन अनुभव की खुशबू कहां से आएगी ...

I am also cutting short the blogs from the reading list. most of them are not updated from long time or has diluted with respect to my reading taste. It is the person you are, rather than the knowledge you possess, that determines success. Hence, I am making blog little more personal in the nature.

My writings were becoming incoherent day by day. I am trying to mend my ways. The last post on off beat traits about me was prime example of new reformed pattern.

Recently, I was in Azamgarh. I observed hunger, poverty, corruption and unemployment. There is a lack of opportunity even after education such is the case of unemployable work force. I felt that I am going to XIMB for correct academic path. I am glad to choose this path.

Also, the split between rural management and development studies now has become more clear than ever. In rural management, it is evident that the tilt is more towards commerce and while development studies studies an effective intervention mechanism that stabilizes and corrects the imperfections of the market and participants.

Currently, life seemed to be like a dream state flowing into the solid world. Notice Period after resignation is quite relaxed period. I am not living for others as I would also expect not others to live for me. A selfish agenda for survival ! I am posting two question that is bothering me from long time :

1-What does it take to change the essence of a man?
2-How can we raise conscious of a human being ?