One more autobiographical account expressed in quotes and personal experiences. Alas ! I wish to look into the nature of things but with no idea, with no prejudice, with no presupposition. Just putting here thoughts that is fabricating my existence at present ---
Can I start from scratch ? If I am thrown out of my job with no family support, could I achieve my goals even then ? This thought is roaming around my mind. I have no practical knowledge of realities except few times what I observed in my limited social life. That's why wanted to pursue the unknown path for an urban youth.
Am I really living ? I always feel like an old soul in a young man’s body. Now, an intensely moving exploration of identity has been halted by newly acquired wisdom. I see the futility of every intentions through duality of actions. Nature is half reveal and half conceal the soul within. So what is this idea of living in an eternal recurrence of hate and love.
If I love you, what business is it of yours? The way to love anything is to realize that it will end next moment. I look to her wondering what she might be thinking but never had courage to say a word. I also have a lot of cupid tales to tell and its always one sided and tragic. This lead to another quoatation: Every Jack has Jill. But I am not Jack :-P
Play it safe: Obedience and blind attachment to the social environment has made me to go for secure life than a risky adventurous trip. Playing safe is out of fear and it is call sacrifice for future and security in the life. I am not victim of my circumstances but a warrior against it...
Loss of an Identity: I want to be free from obligations, bonds and relations. They are appearing burden to me. I am reading Osho's book on Tao from 2 months. It has killed the traces of ambition, sense of morality, urge of an identity and even comparative spirit. I want to become empty and useless then nobody can use me.
It's not who I am underneath, but what I do that defines me : I write to express myself freely in diplomatic world and not to entertain the public. In solitude, my writing has become better. If I’d got diverted to thinking about publicity, my creative powers become weakened. Unhappiness is a natural consequence of a split personality inside me. I want to do what I love !
A past to be erased: I'm a person that always looks back on my life, and it isn't that all pleasant to me. I have a lot of great memories to share; Also, there are really dark memories too and I don't go there. So much overburdened by guilt feeling. Does saying sorry amend the wrong doings ?
Looking backward, walking forward: I had said and written many wrong things about girls in the past. I realized now how wrong and arrogant I was. New insights can't change past, but hoping for forgiveness from everyone.
Independent Life: I fear the habit of subservience is as deeply ingrained in our society as the desire to give orders or to become a follower. A very grave danger to a person’s life is the habit of giving orders. To be bounded by any set of moral rules will make one immoral. I don't say yes or no to morals. They just don't exist for me !
Success breeds confidence: I am avoiding the concept of success or failure as it .I wanna be a living lesson that while slow and steady may not hit the target always, it sure does make the ride worth taking. Unwavering belief in myself and passion to keep striving till very end will help in the life.
How to Lose Friends & Alienate People : Aliveness comes when you are alone. Solitude is the blessing that comes with the curse of loneliness. I love people but without hope. And all of us know expectations hurts. A deadness occurs in relationships when people are no longer willing to share with each other how they really feel. Result comes out as draging burden of responsibilities to avoid confrontation. I came to understand that labeling a relationships don’t allow any freedom. Relations are dynamic in nature...
Touching the Void: Where is the life I have lost in living? The closer I feel to death, the more I realize as alive. I want to sense everything now. The secret for fun in present is to enjoy life and beauty all around but never to want to possess them. As it is said that life is not what one lived but how one remembers it...
Thought of the Day: So often, we give in to our fears because we are afraid of the consequences of our righteous actions. Every time we give in, we lose our dignity little by little, and after a while we lose our self-esteem because we believe in the lie that there are powerful people who have control over our lives. We fail to realise that we can stand up for the truth. - By Mahesh Dattani
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