What am I doing with my life?

I am not at the crossroads of the destiny square but this post seems to be pending from sometime. I am highly addicted by internet surfing phenomenon. But I am fan of the voice/opinion provided bt it to million of people. I stumbled across these lines about Internet and likes it very much. 'This World Wide Web is a wonderful invention. It lands you in unforeseen places (virtually though), introduces to unknown people (thanks to blogs) and often proves to be a fruitful way of fighting boredom at office/home when you have nothing worthwhile to do.' One such chance stumbling landed me with an unusual piece of art; a bizarre piece of artistic oddity – Om dar ba dar. The movie came in highlight after Anurag Kashyap comment that a song from this movie was an inspiration of 'emotional atyachaar' beside Underground movie opening scene. But I liked another song Tadpole Terrorist of the same movie. For readers information, the spinner Kachra of Lagaan is the main protaganist of this movie. It makes me nostalgic of old DD days of low budgeted experimental TV serials and Parallel Cinema.

Now,the this spiral vortex image is depiction of my life. I have my own share of problems. Life moves pretty fast. You could miss it, if you don't stop and look around once in a while. I just thought of halting here and look back down the road.

I am very passionate and assertive guy in full mood. Those who know me knew that i have two face of personality like Harvey Dent. One soft spoken, open hearted, happy go lucky philosophy and caring nature; The other side is jhakee, highly charged with rage, foul mouthed and self destructive. The mood swings between two personalities without me being conscious of it. I try very hard to remain far from sarcasm and controversy. But being reactive more than proactive always put me in shit of troubles.

Recently, I chat with a very very nice guy after 10 months and one of mine casual comment just puts me in apologetic and defensive approach. The whole mood of talk went wrong. I screwed my own image by this way. The chant went down after 2 minutes.

I have very bad record of in wrong position or issuing wrong statement at wrong place and wrong time. It is due to my open mouthiness. I try to stay clam and not to comment on private life 99% of time. Free flow of emotion in that 1% just screw it all. 1% has got more weighted and life turning events in my whole life. God help me in controlling my emotion. But how can he/she/it help in this regard, I am an agonist.

Endline: Just lay off my self centered discussion.Watch 'A' rated trailer of next Anurag Kashyap movie 'Gulal' releasing on 13th march 2009.

Free Tibet : 10th March 2009

Dalai Lama and Fidel Castro are two great personalities living in our times which have experienced cold war and communism rise and fall. They have became a part of the world History.Today on 11/02/2009,I want to focus on Tibet only. 10th March 2009 will become a date to be remembered in the history of world. 50 years of illegitimate upholding of Tibet by China will be completed with uncertain future prolonging in this region.

This day is celebrated as Tibetan National Uprising Day. What will happen to the peaceful freedom movement of Tibet after Dalai Lama? He is fighting with inner good to the bunch of stubborn narrow minded Chinese politicians. Despite some encouraging developments, China’s human rights practices remained cause for concern. However, the single biggest threat to the survival of the Tibetan people is China's policy of population transfer aimed at reducing Tibetans to an insignificant minority in their own country by sending in millions of landless and jobless Chinese.

I believe that this freedom movement will turn violent after death of Dalai Lama. The hardest path is to keep going with non-violence, enduring the daily deprivation, the inner pain, but continuing to speak out is suffering. No one will be commendable enough in future to guide a young generation for peaceful movement towards freedom. This young generation of youth has grown into India hearing stories about Tibet,their own country. They are born in exile, the majority of whom have never seen Tibet, but are incredibly passionate to do anything for freedom of their motherland. 'My Kind of Exile' is an essay by Tenzin Tsundue (Winner of Outlook / Picador Non Fiction Competition) ,It is worthy to read by each Indian, Chinese and rest of world about the feelings of Tibetan people.

We Indians are host to Tibetans from last 50 years but our approach towards justice is flawed. We are taking any straight action due to fear of military power of Dragon. Military government in Burma is violating each human rights and has led its countrymen suffer by starvation, body trade and corruption. Prison camps and house arrest is common there for political activists. Developed and developing countries are exploiting undeveloped states for their natural resources without being responsible to there citizens .This dog eat dog chain should be over as soon as possible.

The first principle of free society is an untrammeled flow of words in an open forum. Chinese people has given their individual and diverse opinion for the economic growth. A time will come in the future ,when they will judge their action of closed and uni dimensional thinking. Freedom rings where opinion clashes. It is the depth of society where people of different thoughts co exist and struggle peacefully to make the place better.

Opinions of the people are too rigid about the borders. After studying so much history and culture, the jingoism feeling is still obsessing human civilization around the world. Kashmir, Tibet, Kososvo, Ireland, Philistine and Chechnya are open war fields in the world. Liberty for native people of those places is far more important than any political hanging phase. What we can do is to have atleast correct opinion about transitory situation. The awareness about the plight of refugees and human right violation should be our primary aim. It is a small but important and necessary step in the right direction. Spirituality, Humanism and Socialism is going to be the future of human civilization. But till then, hope is only saviour of us..

Life at Hyderabad

It is hard time for everyone due to economic recession. I am lucky to have job at this moment with CSC.Work environment here is absolutely good. PM and senior colleagues are really friendly.I hope that this will continue in the future. No coding stuff is assigned to me. It is worth to be at unpopular position and tune out of popular beliefs in the society. I am also living with it and quite happy with the life.I love CSC each day. I think the days of joy are few and dejection is everlasting.I am enjoying the moments till this honeymoon period of happy days is over.

Now a secret mantra of job satisfaction criteria:

- If you love your work most on Mondays, you are having a Dream Job.You are passionate about the job and with this kind of commitment,growth is waiting for you in the future.

-If you hate to go the office on Monday(not due to party hangover but because of work nature), you are doing a Real Job. This is the job most of us perform and live a life of quiet desperation. This job is done for paying the mortgages. Future is undetermined here,hence no comment from my side.

Dev D Phenomenon: Dev D is a treat to watch.I have watched in Rs 50 valued ticket in balcony: Talkietown this weekend.Cheap hai na !!! The cinema hall was excellent in the ratio of input money with output infrastructure and services. From the makers of Black Friday, a contemporary tale of Devdas is reality and bold cinematic experimentation. Emotional Atyachaar is rocking the shows around India.

Alienation, while speaking a universal language, needs a local interpretation. Dev D is here to raise the voice of ours:Generation X. It has been long fed by moral grounds and cultural inheritance stuff. The self destructing and rebel character of Dev of contemporary times has just given the local interpretation to the universal phenomenon. Hypocrisy, Identity crisis, emotional experiences are part of all this dark journey of Dev's life. It represents a generation searching for an alien identity in the society. Inability of Dev to attach itself to anything is well documented by anurag in this movie. Soundtrack, camera work and dialogues are superb. Characters are not justified on the basis of ethics is greatest achievement of the film.

Dev D is a dark and underground India that is not depicted by our media,literature and movies. Our bollywood had fallen in the abyss completely till the end of 80s. Rise of new wave thinkers has been a revolt against the non sense stuff given by bollywood in the name of cinema. The death of parallel cinema got unnoticed in mainstream. Anurag Kashyap is the leading torchbearer of new wave. The path of light and fresh air from bottomless pit lifts through dark phantoms of ocean. Kashyap is taking understanding of mainstream viewers of cinema in the direction of art rather than entertainment.

New Hypothesis: When a chain smoker is in the mood of stress, solitude, daze, numbness,joy, excitement or boredom, he wants a cigarette to refresh his mood and think a new idea. First two puffs from the cigarette gives him marginal utility of the investment in the cigarette purchase. All the puffs after it is remaining return of investment. Hence you will observe few smokers throw away cigarettes after few puffs when urge of smoking is over. I want authorized people's (smokers) view over these lines.

Resolution Time: Doing is quantum leap from imagining.-Barbara Sher.
I have taken several resolution this year. I will not eat non veg, pizza, burger and eggs. I will not drink soft drinks, beers, wine. Hence cigarettes and alcohol consumption is avoidable from now on. It is hard to resist temptation but i am discovering frontiers of my willpower. I am rebel in tradition and conservative in habits. Commitment against lust of taste is really going to be tough. One more secret resolution will be revealed after 1 month. Till then wait and watch...