The Remains of the Day

This post was written in May and saved as draft. I don't want to express my feeling about these beautiful dying moments in words. After a long thinking process, I am publishing about my last days in ITBHU.

A part of me is dying slowly without any whisper.I am not even mourning or thinking about it. Only few days of my precious college life is with me .Clock ticks and a moment is stolen from mine last days in ITBHU.

I feel like a person whose 4 years in ITBHU can reflect on a day's work. Evening is symbolic for last year, when one can look back and assess one's college life. I had never feel so much dejected and sad in 4 years. This moment of separation from beloved college and friends is haunting me. Thought of not coming here in July seems strange to me. Everybody, I shared my best years of life are scattered. We will meet anywhere in future but this chemistry of love and hate will be missing. Fresh air in the morning,Late night outs in semester downloading latest movies from DC++ will be missed by each of us.

The Professional world is coming down to me with a furious pace.Stake of mine survival in professional world of Sharks, piranhas and alligators is very low. I am a lone fish whose only pleasure is his solitude.

I want to make confession on this day. I don't like personally all of the mine colleagues but respect and adore few of them for their brilliance in their area of work. I don't enjoy good relationship with few batch mates but really praise their hard work. I was also saddened by the negative mindset of some people. There is major problem of jealous behavior from most people on others achievement in our college. They make it habit of scrutinizing others hard work under cheap labels. A sense of appreciation of things is missing. I hope that we can mature as a person to enjoy each other success and stand for each other in crisis.

Inspirational Seniors

There were only 3 inspirational seniors for me down these years in ITBHU : Sripati Sah, Varun Grover and Animesh Pathak. Its irony of my fate that they even don't my name. Sripati sir has met with me few times. I talked to Varun sir once on gtalk. I have been encouraged by Animesh sir for one good post on blog. They are more like virtual inspirational source with their qualities in front of me.

Sripati Sah:
I have talked with Sripathi Sah 2 or 3 times during 1st year by giving infeasible idea in model making in Technex-05. After that never, that mighty guy left us for further study to Amherst. I am sure that he cannot even recognize me now. I adore him not for his short attendance (28% excluding B.T.P. in last semester) but for his infinite passion and zeal for ever TAC. Now, I have myself seen all the seasons at ITBHU. Loss of passion and self motivation for improvement is major disease prevailing in this institute. I am also doomed deeply in it. But he was like God between us humans, ever inspiring and full of enthusiasm.

Varun Grover:
Engineering background of an artist always puzzled me. He is role model for me for his literal, theatrical and now cinematic journey. One person perrfectly quoted about him: "He is one of the very few people around me who is so sure of what he wants from life!"
He was the person giving me inspiration to become original and creative. There is a blind race and mob psychology in most of ITians for future career. They do not want to stand alone and make their own way. He has shown me the enlightened way to be original and creative.

Animesh Pathak:
There is no heart more strong than a heart of volunteer. Animesh sir have got that heart. He is very energetic person. To do a commentary as an audience on the problems is always easier than to really get to the ground and solving them. He chooses to solve the problems of his Alma matar. Many of us laments in their whole career about status quo of ITBHU and IIT. None of them volunteer or participate in solving problem at grass root level. He is one of the most easily reached alumni for students. His unending energy gives me inspiration to achieve goals for things we love most.....

This post is not written to drew attention but to pay my respect to seniors whom I admire most.

Why do i write?

Chaos, Cosmos, Chaos, Cosmos. Once again the sickening game;

My writings are introspection of change within me with time and place.I have no secret ambition to turn into literal giant in real or virtual world. I don't want to impose my fictional views on others. I write blog just to reflect my feelings in words. I am a free lancer in the world of professional writers.

Passion of writing in diary was started by admiration of quotation. After reading short stories, poems and novels in Hindi and English, the spark for creation ignited me. There is ghost inside me giving lucrative offer to rise and fall in deep oceans of literature, cinema and spirituality. Nowadays, blog and diaries are only remedy to preserve my mind from chaotic thoughts. Every night infinite number of ideas are erupted inside me. There is deep conflict and enigma inside me to understand philosophy of life. This mythical consciousness enables me to think about art and non materialism. I seek for solitude to search for real purpose of knowledge and wisdom.

Perception of reality seems to be blurred from every point of view. I cannot distinguish my life into colors. The world is not simply black or white but as a variable shades of Grey. It makes the world more puzzling and perplexing choice between right or wrong.

Whole sole purpose of shaping my thoughts is now self discovery. Words translate this feeling of inwards journey to a form of expression. I feel writing is like realizing our own divinity in this mortal world.