Life is calling, Where are you ?

I share a different me with each relationship. Sometimes friendly, intimate, affectionate, diplomatic, cold and even harsh behaviour can be observed. It appears as I have many parallel lives running inside me. Its very hard to behave and enjoy the life simultaneously. The consequence of this split personality is unhappiness and constant struggle inside consciousness.

Merging all personality into one. I am taking the risk of becoming one and may be alone in life. Reasoning can never transforms anybody but only love or hate ! As, we are dominated by the unconscious, not by the conscious. Loving everybody without duality of kin or stranger is producing harmony inside me.

Seriousness and possessiveness is a sickness created by ego. Let the life flow and live in present. Mind lives in future and past but only heart knows the beauty of each passing moment. Laugh, dance, sing and make joy...

Be aware of the moment. Don't try to concentrate on the narrow point. Be attentive without any frontiers. Mediation is not Yoga, its just being existence without any thoughts. Nothingness is the route of inner peace. Devoid of desires...

Life is beautiful because its insecure and fragile. Death awaits us next moment and all of our plans will sublime with us. No trace will be left anywhere. The way to love and live is to realize that all will end next moment....

"Falling in love you remain a child; rising in love you mature. By and by love becomes not a relationship, it becomes a state of your being. Not that you are in love - now you are love. " -Osho.

If you can’t dance, why join the revolution?

Bamboo flowers grow in span of 45-50 years and a famine struck the place with their flowering. Turbulent times produce turbulent lives. Centralization to decentralization happens in cyclic way, Indian or International level. So this circular needs keep the organization going, otherwise extreme of any path leads but to the decay. Mediocre to merit is next push. Rise of middle class is there through economic reforms. Next phase of reforms needed in pushing benefits to labour class. Those who are capable will be able to endure the hard times and visualize the better future.

Rural Management notion is still on in my heart. The problem of rural India is not unemployment but its unemployable individuals. Run NGO like business but with non profit motive. I don't hate technology, just not so efficient and pro active in this field. The intuition for change or new step is quite low. Columbus "discovered" America because apparently 25 million Native Americans don't count. I don't want me or anyone to discover this with rural India. I just want to experience myself on a pathless path in love of my country. And they say also, " Who travels for love finds a thousand miles not longer than one ". I am ready to wander this path for seeking myself.

"There is a pleasure in the pathless woods, There is rapture on the onely shore, There is society, where none intrudes, By the deep sea, and music in lits roar: I love not man the less, but Nature more." ~Lord Byron, Childe Harold’s Pilgrimage. 

I have wings not the roots. Hence, preparing for Rural management this year again. To each his/her own life. Enjoy the revolution with joy and fun !!!

Check : Why IRMA? & IRMA Alumni Association
Also check the video was shot during the GD-PI process of PRM 30. It was presented during Abhivyakti by PRM 29. Quite asking the statement of purpose of preparation:

Tum ko dekha to ek khayal aaya

Lust is easy. Love is hard. Like is most important. ~Carl Reiner

I see myself in the mirror each day and fall for my reflection there. Rarely, I feel that there is an ego reflecting in the image. It shows my vanity clearly. The importance of being there for impressing others overtake the real me in public life.

True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is around you. This had been, has been and will be only truth about love. To accept the world as it is. Desire to capture, possess or change others is self defeating in love. Life, love and understanding are qualities to be admired and incorporated in yourself for enjoying the life.

Any relationship lasts that is rooted in friendship. Atleast we can speak our hearts out to them. Some persons are complete strangers or acquaintance for us. You can't express about yours feeling to them for the fear of losing that illusion of closeness.

One day, I look at the person and I feel something more than I did the second before. The decay in relationship starts there. Now, the person who was just a face a moment ago is now turned suddenly the only person I can ever imagine myself with. And there is an one side affection that makes me feel like the whole world is complete. This act happens unconsciously. I take it as dilemma whether mind surrenders or it creates an illusion. Every time I look that unknown, it makes me to want it even more. Is it a desire for achieving something or an invisible bond between us.

All plans and pre preparation goes waste at the time of expression. Fear of being ignored, ridiculed or even broken comes in front of the eyes. And how I will react on dejection clouds the mind. Its impossible to tell yourself to stop wanting someone when the something inside rebel against it!

All rational thoughts end at that point of time. Even dreams are manipulated through mind or object of desire. Can you love same person all your life at each moment ? I will say no. Still, How is it possible that I feel nostalgia for a person I never knew so closely ? Why I desire for a person that can't come with me in the life ? Why do we let someone become priority in our life when we aren't even an option for considering to them ?

This is a purely fictional post and not related to me by any means... Don't sit on my head for originality or piracy !

Anbe Sivam

Love is god, that's meaning of Tamil title written here. I exist within me only. Others exist because one imagine others do. Otherwise, other is not here. No past and future, only present exist. And, there is nothing to give and take in the world. Only to share with the others. All relations, friends, acquaintance and strangers are just a small part of your life. Don't take any talks of culture, religion and civilization sincerely. They are decaying with each moment of time. Death is most lovable part of life. It can come in conscious or unconscious state of mind. Love is only truth everywhere. Just be spontaneous and devoid of mind in relationships to God or others. Mind is manipulative and will peel love like onions infinitely. There is enough room for everyone in the heart if you love. Spirituality is not a separate way or field, its just life when our stomachs are filled. We are alone deep down and can feel it naturally. So be natural, free of ambition, past, future, comparison, beliefs. Just exist :)[I smiled first time on the blog today ] Ciao !

Baavra mann dekhne chala ek sapnaa

What mind divides through analysis, the heart unites through compassion. Now, there is a peace inside heart as the mind is working on my will. No more nostalgia, desires or ambition. The present will take all sorrows of past and worries of future. The calmness will lead towards silence. The awareness will increase and concentration efforts will reduce. Such is the statehood of awareness. The words coming out will not be manipulative by mind and all lines written before will loose its radiance. The struggle of writer inside you will vanish and only love will be in the air. You have to just stop observation and learn the art of watching, watching without any judgment. The ego raised by sexuality, greed and anger will dissolve. You will rise against repression and feel the joy of expression. You will laugh like mad even when no one else is around. And you will really mean it...

Let's make life interesting !!!

I don't know what to write today. The blank spaces between mine words have more meanings than this whole blog. Now, few words for world around me. When we win a match against Pak in Hockey World cup, certainly times appear good if we look at confident India. Then, three continuous defeats expose our inability to change and do vocal politics.

After acute crisis majority of people returns to sense, and then again going numb with time. The “His troubles, his miseries & his problems will fall on my head if I support him” is part of our whole system in the country. In a talk the famous historian Antony Beevor gave at the Galle Literary Festival recently,he made an interesting point. While bemoaning the lack of historical accuracy in much of the media, he said we had entered a “post-literate phase”. By this he meant that images had superseded the printed word as the vehicle for disseminating history. Consequently, TV and movies now determine which historical narrative is believed.

Personal Life: 'Let's make life interesting' and be more social in interaction with others. That was my motto of change. I had written in my diary one months ago that "Its so tough to push yourself for something you have never done. Preaching others about discipline and simplicity is much easier task but following it much tougher. I am trying to tame myself in discipline and a minimum level of presentableness. I am trying to change and each moment of transition is pain ." I failed somewhere in the transition and caught between my desires and goals like Trishanku. I was lacking will power but not motivation. Still, its consequences are devastating.

I want to return to old life of loneliness. I don't want to continue this life of extrovert and express my feelings completely. I tried to change and people misunderstood me. When you believe in open society, it reflects in your nature. People listen less, understand minimum and assume more. I am again back against wall alone. I want to drink Vodka and kill my consciousness some time. One person trusted me and believed that I can change. I changed but it is appearing futile now. I will again go back in my cave of silence and solitude. The world didn't need me, its better for me to keep mouth shut and die. I create myself in the mirror of others and now annihilating same personality. The death of the heart is the saddest thing that can happen to you. And, I died yesterday...

Thought of the Day :One of the first signs of the beginning of understanding is the wish to die. -Franz Kafka

Read few links for knowledge:

1- How an artist was shorn : Husain sees through an idol, giving it a form that may outrage some, but is not inconsistent with India’s aesthetic explain Salil Tripathi.

2- A university's tryst with rural health: The story of an anti-HIV/AIDS programme in Tamil Nadu's Namakkal district may hold many lessons for the health professional and policy-planner.

3- Allah’s Left The Building: Meant for Muslim welfare, Wakf lands are being sold for a song by its trustees.

4- Mr Chidambaram’s War: Arundhuti Roy opposes military action in Maoist affected areas.

5- Of all the voices that opposed the introduction of Bt brinjal, one was most significant — that of 84-year old T V Jagadisan, the former MD of Monsanto India. Interview with Tehelka reveal his view point.

Understanding Economics

General Theory of Reflexivity: Lecture


Open Society Institute chairman and founder George Soros shares his latest thinking on economics and politics in a five-part lecture series recorded at Central European University, October 26-30, 2009. The lectures are the culmination of a lifetime of practical and philosophical reflection.

Soros discusses his general theory of reflexivity and its application to financial markets, providing insights into the recent financial crisis. The third and fourth lectures examine the concept of open society, which has guided Soros’s global philanthropy, as well as the potential for conflict between capitalism and open society. The closing lecture focuses on the way ahead, examining the increasingly important economic and political role that China will play in the future. [Source]

What I like in enormous winnings of George Soros, it is his push for emerging nations to become 'open societies,' open not only in the sense of freedom of commerce but—more important—tolerant of new ideas and different modes of thinking and behavior.

My amateur learning in Economics : Economics is too mathematical model done by technological student and neglecting risk and chaos. Neither any economic policy can ensure economic stability indefinitely nor any complex mathematical formulae could tame uncertainty. The probelm lies in an intellectual default within economics, but they seem oblivious of the role of ideology in producing this default. I assume that economics is insulated from the world not only by its narrow explanatory methodology but also because it rewards the mathematical modelling that resuls to bind the economics as a game of numbers & statistics.

The wind of freedom blows

1- What a country needs for development in a very long term ? Vigorous debate and absolute freedom of speech. And this makes America a great nation. The source lies in its first Amendment:

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."

Atanu Dey puts his perspective very clear on comparison between America and India on free speech. The first amendment article and comments by readers form a very interesting read on this topic.

2- The Strange case of China and Russia: There is a denialism when an entire segment of society, often struggling with the trauma of change, turns away from reality in favor of a more comfortable lie. It has created a society where institutions are brazenly politicized, where violence has been legitimised, where the socialist state has been reduced to a narrow-visioned envy-filled individual whose dominant mindset is reverence of dead heroes and contempt for all contemporary success.

3- Pseudo Islamic countries like Pakistan falls to move towards the concept of democracy. Bernard Lewis states Islamic authorities have always had great difficulty in accommodating post-Islamic monotheistic religions such as the Bahá'í Faith, since the followers of such religions cannot be dismissed. Moreover, their very existence presents a challenge to the Islamic doctrine of the perfection and finality of Muhammad's revelation. What else can one expect from a society living in a curiously delusional state of denial, gleefully mistaking it as ‘patriotism’ and ‘concern.’ The problem with these countries is that they have people like Asma Jahangir is – they are hundreds of years ahead of their national consciousness.

Nadeem F Paracha put it as : Well, this is exactly what happens to a society that responds so enthusiastically to all the major symptoms of fascist thought. Symptoms such as powerful and continuing nationalism; disdain for the recognition of human rights; identification of enemies/scapegoats as a unifying cause; supremacy of the military; obsession with national security; the intertwining of religion and government; disdain for intellectuals and the arts; an obsession with crime and punishment, etc.

4- When a person migrates to the western countries, a new social riddle comes in the front of him. Either to be adopt in the melting pot society type structure or keep his motherland's intact with him. The 2nd generation dilemma of being dual nationality makes them to search for identity. Few acts of terrorism in the name of self righteousness also happen. This can be explained :

Generally coming from deeply conservative backgrounds, they are shocked with the free and easy lifestyle they encounter.Rather than encouraging their children to integrate, they seek to insulate them from Western values, thus causing a state of mild schizophrenia in second- generation immigrants.

Some of these young people become quickly radicalised, and seek clarity in the black-and-white world of religious extremism. Unfortunately, too many of them lack the education to realise that ultimately, no set of beliefs or values is inherently inferior or superior to another.

Morality, as we have seen, is not the monopoly of any faith: an atheist can be more ethical than a religious person. At the end of the day, what matters is that humans behave with consideration and decency, and avoid imposing their beliefs on others.