In Limbo

It's a emotionally fragile time personally. I am developing a numbness and suffering from the lack of love and inspiration. Life is derailed.  I am thinking : Are all my problems mere perception ? I remember a couplet of 'Ahmed Faraz 'to aptly describe my condition :-

अपने सिवा हमारे न होने का ग़म किसे, अपनी तलाश में तो हम ही हम हैं दोस्तों.
कुछ आज शाम ही से है दिल भी बुझा-बुझा, कुछ शहर के चिराग़ भी मद्धम हैं दोस्तों .

I have at present no unduly demand of friends and family. They have given me enough freedom as it would for the sage. I am caught in the whirl wind of personal attachments and a dream of growth. There is a mad man inside me with a strong wish to succeed and to sacrifice everything in this attempt. Alas, wishes require determination and hard work missing in this case.

I am mentally exhausted, frustrated and on the verge of depression. When you are uncertain about the future, any work can yield satisfaction. I have decided my future career goals, now failure and delay is blowing my mind. Neither can I relax, nor enjoy. Cricket World cup has came and gone. I disliked bleeding blue or green whatsoever in the mad ocean of cricket. Just can't concentrate anywhere.

I am still sane enough to denounce a time tested Indian psychotherapy of every mental hurricane : An arranged marriage. And whenever I speak up, only harsh statements are coming out and turning unpopular. The addiction of Facebook and choking of release of emotions is destroying self belief. I don't have any special person to count upon for support. I am lured towards alcohol and cigarettes for solace. May be they are only available or cheap option that's why !

Thanks to A Serious Man, I am listening to this Song Heavily : Somebody To Love