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Sunday, April 3, 2011

In Limbo

It's a emotionally fragile time personally. I am developing a numbness and suffering from the lack of love and inspiration. Life is derailed.  I am thinking : Are all my problems mere perception ? I remember a couplet of 'Ahmed Faraz 'to aptly describe my condition :-

अपने सिवा हमारे न होने का ग़म किसे, अपनी तलाश में तो हम ही हम हैं दोस्तों.
कुछ आज शाम ही से है दिल भी बुझा-बुझा, कुछ शहर के चिराग़ भी मद्धम हैं दोस्तों .

I have at present no unduly demand of friends and family. They have given me enough freedom as it would for the sage. I am caught in the whirl wind of personal attachments and a dream of growth. There is a mad man inside me with a strong wish to succeed and to sacrifice everything in this attempt. Alas, wishes require determination and hard work missing in this case.

I am mentally exhausted, frustrated and on the verge of depression. When you are uncertain about the future, any work can yield satisfaction. I have decided my future career goals, now failure and delay is blowing my mind. Neither can I relax, nor enjoy. Cricket World cup has came and gone. I disliked bleeding blue or green whatsoever in the mad ocean of cricket. Just can't concentrate anywhere.

I am still sane enough to denounce a time tested Indian psychotherapy of every mental hurricane : An arranged marriage. And whenever I speak up, only harsh statements are coming out and turning unpopular. The addiction of Facebook and choking of release of emotions is destroying self belief. I don't have any special person to count upon for support. I am lured towards alcohol and cigarettes for solace. May be they are only available or cheap option that's why !

Thanks to A Serious Man, I am listening to this Song Heavily : Somebody To Love


  1. Failure and Success are Relative terms. Life on the other hand is absolute, with a definite start and a definite end. You have to decide if you want to live cursing yourself for every failure or savor the ups and downs of life before arriving at the final destination.
    It's a matter of choice and state of mind. I won't let you write such stupid blogs ever again. You've got good writing skills which I have truly admired. I urge you to please use it for some constructive purpose that our Indian society can use.
    Waiting for your next Post ..........

  2. Sridhar, dude thanks for pushing me is low times. Yes, there is no need to write such post full of pathos and self pity. I am also feeling that I need to buck up and start afresh. I have initiated writing few posts and they are in draft state. And agreed with you : Failure and Success are Relative terms.Life on the other hand is absolute, with a definite start and a definite end

    Baapu, I will be back in form soon !

  3. Dear yayaver
    Like everything else in the past, this too shall pass...Please take life sincerely and not seriously!
    कभी हुआ न जो चलो आज कर लें
    चलो हंसी को रिवाज कर लें
    :) sometimes, its better to leave things than control will not regret in retrospect. Have faith :)

  4. Thanks Shruti Madam for coming here on my blog.

    As I have experienced : We plan for the future and analyze the past. Just was feeling low. I am now regathering myself for better future. retrospect... I am living life on that only.

  5. @Rai,

    यह अंधेरे यूं कम न होंगे...

    चिराग दिल का ज़लाओ
    बहुत अंधेरा है
    कहीं से लौट के आओ
    बहुत अंधेरा है...

    कहाँ से लाऊँ
    कहाँ से लाऊँ
    वो रंगत गयी बहारों की
    तुम्हारे साथ गयी रोशनी नज़ारों की
    मुझे भी पास बुलायो
    बहुत अंधेरा है..

    चिराग दिल का जलाओ
    बहुत अंधेरा है..

    सितारों तुमसे अंधेरे
    कहाँ संभालते हैं
    उन्ही के नक्शे कदम से
    चिराग जलते हैं
    उन्ही को ढूँढ के लाओ
    बहुत अंधेरा है.


    ...time tested Indian psychotherapy of every mental hurricane : An arranged marriage...

    Arranged marriage is definitely desi panacea, if it doesn't cure what ever is ailing make a baby or two perfect formula to solve one trouble by creating two. :)

    ...whenever I speak up, only harsh statements are coming out and turning unpopular...

    Zipit now will save you apologies in time :)

    Always works,just try it. :)

    Desi Girl

  6. I am zipping up the emotions and moving forward.. yet more articles will come and Surely life will blossom again.

    And so much thanks for चिराग दिल का ज़लाओ बहुत अंधेरा है...



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