August 21, 2013 is Blue Moon

August 21, 2013 is Blue Moon. The phrase 'Once in a blue moon' has come to mean something that incurs very infrequently. So is my birthday that happens only once in a year. Life is looking okay for now. Off the job, well, not quite smooth. I have seen now 28 years of life of details.

The perennial question from childhood in my mind is - Is it merely an accident of birth that led to one person having huge wealth and other condemned to poverty ? The search for the answer of this question has made me an idealist in this practical world. To argue with one's own kin and friends for the ideal of fairness is difficult. One has to drop imposed morality and biased faith for one's own. I try to explore the issues of social hierarchy, religion, loyalty, corruption, sexuality, war, crime, and punishment by becoming morally ambiguous. I am ready to inherited cultural values if they are not respecting human rights. Even I have been rubbing with the comforts, the ragged edges of reality are forever pierced in my heart.

The things we admire in men; kindness and generosity, openness, honesty, understanding and feeling are the concomitants of failure in our system. And traits we detest; sharpness, greed, acquisitiveness, meanness, egotism and self-interest are the traits of success. And while men admire the quality of the first, they love the produce of the second. - John Steinbeck

We are the choices that we made. Sometimes good and other times bad. Mechanical engineering was out for me because of my inability to grasp technical concepts at engineering and lethargy. That left me with job in IT sector but I came to conclusion that negative choices are always the worst choices. I never feel to be such out of place and failure as in the engineering sector. The privilege of failure must not be taken away because to have continued success gives birth to mediocrity. It is the struggles and perseverance that has made me much strong today. Today, I am thankful to bad ones for widening my experiences.

No one ever owns up youth or the women he loves. But there is great mystery in love as it doesn't obey our expectations. Sometimes love is unrequited and unfulfilled. I may be a loner but definitely not a monk, voyeur or hermit. But this desire is like abyss. I am not even sure now what is true now in love. Let me not dwell into ancient evenings and distant music of past. Alas ! they are gone. I am ready for the new encounters, passions and sufferings in the love.

I have so many layers in memory, that I can peel away a few in the words. I had acted like another person so many times yet I was coming to the term of my real self slowly. Even self is dynamic notion but I was more of myself in recent years. Personal identity is an enigma, fragile & tenacious woven by threads of choices and inheritances. I assume that we all are held together by wisps of memory, few strong and mostly feeble.

The pace of life is unhurried nut not slow. While others plan, I dream. Yes, there is chaos in the dream but its worth it. I am happy to take the path of my heart without giving up for trend, instant relief and gratification. Notion about me by others is impossible to change. I do not sulk about missing out but get excited by what lies ahead. With growing age one owes responsibilities, more burdens, more obligations and also comes our ability to deal with the complexity. I don't know what lies ahead in the womb of future. Let us play between serendipity and causality. Life is strange. That is for sure. I am doing what I assume as right.

66 Years of Independence

15th August comes again. With each passing days, India seemed to less shining and more as the great land of Al-Absurdistan. I am ranting on Independence day because we are not bothered about freedom, justice and fairness. The goal of development can't be achieved without securing these premises.

When are we putting aside petty political fights and begin focusing on the real problems that threaten our nation ? India is a capitalism encased feudal societies where people hide their prejudice behind a mask of newly coming material wealth. We are amnesic of the issues to be addressed with utmost importance for voices are hushed up or ignored in the media due to business interests or political pressure. We accumulate huge foreign reserve and emphasizing stock piles in food grains. An obsession with government jobs that give access to social and economic security without any accountability.

India possesses a range and quality of intellectuals that perhaps only few developing society in the world can match. They are considered both brilliant and scholar. But it is the lack of courage to call a spade a spade holds us back. People lack certain level of individuality to take a stand on serious matters of concern. There is no moral decline of the whole society. Our morals were always like this but it is now they are exposed in the public face.

There are lot of martyrs involved in our struggle for independence and rarely we remember them. There's no going back now. Our independence somehow was not the birth of an open mind in Indian context but only reformation through the western weapons of ideas. We as Indian rarely see ourselves as part of perpetrators and carriers of an unjust system. Sixty years of idealism, emergency, socialism, caste reservations and liberalization followed, has been bringing about the end of feudalism and the rise of equality and a new social order. Rising inequality disturbs me to a great extent. One look at human history is enough to prove that eventually it is always the freedom and inclusive institutions that has build up great nations.

It is very important to ask a simple question before making any decisions - Progress for Whom and on whose cost? Capital investment into infrastructure, Industry building or Subsidy demands sacrifices. But those who are making and those who progress are not the same set of people. I am not a communist but can 't accept an hedonistic version of America. I belong to a nation whose identity vividly unfurls in a maelstrom of violence, riots, discontent and poverty. In the end, we all want civilized, just and equitable India. I dream of India to be more humane rather than exotic and incredible.