Ab meri zindagi suru hue hai

Usually things improve after they touch a low point. The same is true for life. I was extreme optimistic till 19 years of my age. I was infatuated in an one sided love in the teenage life. Sad ending puts a break on it. Qualifying IIT was a goal and it was achieved after 2 years of preparation. Then, there was a big gap in the personal life. I stopped getting involved in the mainstream lifestyle of college and started wandering for unknown. Suddenly, a zeal to attain seriousness and scholastic pursuit captures me for a long time. It was like walking on wrong path for Self discovery...

I was obsessed in the love of cinema and then books. And, collection of knowledge was my only motto. I had completely forgotten that life is about emotions and ideas, not robotically taking the information that express them.

I had came to Hyderabad 15 months back with entrance to corporate life. There was flip flop of depression and moments of recovery frequently. I was utterly depressed and was feeling that sense of joy is vanishing from my life. Past was haunting and future appeared dark in this period. Whole idea of belief in 'purpose of life' was merely an escape from the monotonous, stupid and cruel present. Suddenly, a moment shines in my life. I realized that its not knowledge but love that is missing in the life.

Be – don't try to become. Then, I meet a person for whom I changed. I look on myself and find that there is nothing lovable in me. I am dead as a tombstone carrying dead weight of knowledge. Rather than enjoying the music of life, I am involved in search of its composer. What a pity of a sublime period of life !

I was afraid of change and didn't talk to others about my problems. Silence and philosophy were hiding the pains in the life and they were not providing any solution. I realized that all these theories of transition period are trash. Its self deceiving for escape into false memories and lethargy. You change in a moment and it happened for me. Life appears different and beautiful. I stopped complaining about world and its daily problem. Just become relaxed and started to love others...

Idea Sharing: I had an assumption, just want to share with you. Each culture is pushed by counter culture current in a moder nation. The nation which has foots deep sowed in the has reformation currents with loner timeline. This circular process of creation and annihilation goes in every part of world. This circular loop is unending and depends heavily on basic behaviour and nature of humans. I termed it as pendulum clock arrangement. That was buzzing in mind about perspective of changing times.

Reading is a good time pass and writing gives beautiful freedom of self expression. If you subscribed to Darwin's theory of evolution and natural selection as I do, blogger with content will prevail over voyeurs and stylist eventually at least in exposing truth naked. In the end, juggling of words will fail over emotional outburst of heart...

FYI, Build a site you (and your readers) will love is a lovely article about writing and blogging. Have a look and enjoy life, it will end soon :)

Life is calling, Where are you ?

I share a different me with each relationship. Sometimes friendly, intimate, affectionate, diplomatic, cold and even harsh behaviour can be observed. It appears as I have many parallel lives running inside me. Its very hard to behave and enjoy the life simultaneously. The consequence of this split personality is unhappiness and constant struggle inside consciousness.

Merging all personality into one. I am taking the risk of becoming one and may be alone in life. Reasoning can never transforms anybody but only love or hate ! As, we are dominated by the unconscious, not by the conscious. Loving everybody without duality of kin or stranger is producing harmony inside me.

Seriousness and possessiveness is a sickness created by ego. Let the life flow and live in present. Mind lives in future and past but only heart knows the beauty of each passing moment. Laugh, dance, sing and make joy...

Be aware of the moment. Don't try to concentrate on the narrow point. Be attentive without any frontiers. Mediation is not Yoga, its just being existence without any thoughts. Nothingness is the route of inner peace. Devoid of desires...

Life is beautiful because its insecure and fragile. Death awaits us next moment and all of our plans will sublime with us. No trace will be left anywhere. The way to love and live is to realize that all will end next moment....

"Falling in love you remain a child; rising in love you mature. By and by love becomes not a relationship, it becomes a state of your being. Not that you are in love - now you are love. " -Osho.

If you can’t dance, why join the revolution?

Bamboo flowers grow in span of 45-50 years and a famine struck the place with their flowering. Turbulent times produce turbulent lives. Centralization to decentralization happens in cyclic way, Indian or International level. So this circular needs keep the organization going, otherwise extreme of any path leads but to the decay. Mediocre to merit is next push. Rise of middle class is there through economic reforms. Next phase of reforms needed in pushing benefits to labour class. Those who are capable will be able to endure the hard times and visualize the better future.

Rural Management notion is still on in my heart. The problem of rural India is not unemployment but its unemployable individuals. Run NGO like business but with non profit motive. I don't hate technology, just not so efficient and pro active in this field. The intuition for change or new step is quite low. Columbus "discovered" America because apparently 25 million Native Americans don't count. I don't want me or anyone to discover this with rural India. I just want to experience myself on a pathless path in love of my country. And they say also, " Who travels for love finds a thousand miles not longer than one ". I am ready to wander this path for seeking myself.

"There is a pleasure in the pathless woods, There is rapture on the onely shore, There is society, where none intrudes, By the deep sea, and music in lits roar: I love not man the less, but Nature more." ~Lord Byron, Childe Harold’s Pilgrimage. 

I have wings not the roots. Hence, preparing for Rural management this year again. To each his/her own life. Enjoy the revolution with joy and fun !!!

Check : Why IRMA? & IRMA Alumni Association
Also check the video was shot during the GD-PI process of PRM 30. It was presented during Abhivyakti by PRM 29. Quite asking the statement of purpose of preparation:

Anbe Sivam

Love is god, that's meaning of Tamil title written here. I exist within me only. Others exist because one imagine others do. Otherwise, other is not here. No past and future, only present exist. And, there is nothing to give and take in the world. Only to share with the others. All relations, friends, acquaintance and strangers are just a small part of your life. Don't take any talks of culture, religion and civilization sincerely. They are decaying with each moment of time. Death is most lovable part of life. It can come in conscious or unconscious state of mind. Love is only truth everywhere. Just be spontaneous and devoid of mind in relationships to God or others. Mind is manipulative and will peel love like onions infinitely. There is enough room for everyone in the heart if you love. Spirituality is not a separate way or field, its just life when our stomachs are filled. We are alone deep down and can feel it naturally. So be natural, free of ambition, past, future, comparison, beliefs. Just exist :)[I smiled first time on the blog today ] Ciao !

Baavra mann dekhne chala ek sapnaa

What mind divides through analysis, the heart unites through compassion. Now, there is a peace inside heart as the mind is working on my will. No more nostalgia, desires or ambition. The present will take all sorrows of past and worries of future. The calmness will lead towards silence. The awareness will increase and concentration efforts will reduce. Such is the statehood of awareness. The words coming out will not be manipulative by mind and all lines written before will loose its radiance. The struggle of writer inside you will vanish and only love will be in the air. You have to just stop observation and learn the art of watching, watching without any judgment. The ego raised by sexuality, greed and anger will dissolve. You will rise against repression and feel the joy of expression. You will laugh like mad even when no one else is around. And you will really mean it...

Let's make life interesting !!!

I don't know what to write today. The blank spaces between mine words have more meanings than this whole blog. Now, few words for world around me. When we win a match against Pak in Hockey World cup, certainly times appear good if we look at confident India. Then, three continuous defeats expose our inability to change and do vocal politics.

After acute crisis majority of people returns to sense, and then again going numb with time. The “His troubles, his miseries & his problems will fall on my head if I support him” is part of our whole system in the country. In a talk the famous historian Antony Beevor gave at the Galle Literary Festival recently,he made an interesting point. While bemoaning the lack of historical accuracy in much of the media, he said we had entered a “post-literate phase”. By this he meant that images had superseded the printed word as the vehicle for disseminating history. Consequently, TV and movies now determine which historical narrative is believed.

Personal Life: 'Let's make life interesting' and be more social in interaction with others. That was my motto of change. I had written in my diary one months ago that "Its so tough to push yourself for something you have never done. Preaching others about discipline and simplicity is much easier task but following it much tougher. I am trying to tame myself in discipline and a minimum level of presentableness. I am trying to change and each moment of transition is pain ." I failed somewhere in the transition and caught between my desires and goals like Trishanku. I was lacking will power but not motivation. Still, its consequences are devastating.

I want to return to old life of loneliness. I don't want to continue this life of extrovert and express my feelings completely. I tried to change and people misunderstood me. When you believe in open society, it reflects in your nature. People listen less, understand minimum and assume more. I am again back against wall alone. I want to drink Vodka and kill my consciousness some time. One person trusted me and believed that I can change. I changed but it is appearing futile now. I will again go back in my cave of silence and solitude. The world didn't need me, its better for me to keep mouth shut and die. I create myself in the mirror of others and now annihilating same personality. The death of the heart is the saddest thing that can happen to you. And, I died yesterday...

Thought of the Day :One of the first signs of the beginning of understanding is the wish to die. -Franz Kafka

Read few links for knowledge:

1- How an artist was shorn : Husain sees through an idol, giving it a form that may outrage some, but is not inconsistent with India’s aesthetic explain Salil Tripathi.

2- A university's tryst with rural health: The story of an anti-HIV/AIDS programme in Tamil Nadu's Namakkal district may hold many lessons for the health professional and policy-planner.

3- Allah’s Left The Building: Meant for Muslim welfare, Wakf lands are being sold for a song by its trustees.

4- Mr Chidambaram’s War: Arundhuti Roy opposes military action in Maoist affected areas.

5- Of all the voices that opposed the introduction of Bt brinjal, one was most significant — that of 84-year old T V Jagadisan, the former MD of Monsanto India. Interview with Tehelka reveal his view point.

One joy scatters a hundred griefs

I always believe in trusting our own instinct. My mistakes might as well be mine own, instead of someone else's. And sometimes too much patience is not suited in the life. Just because, I don't care what people talk behind my back, it does not mean that I don't understand. So, the silence has its own merits and demerits. The wall of formal behaviour, wisdom and introvert should fall as new world is out there. Now,You could have easily guess that I was upset till yesterday.

The situation I know best in life are those in which people talk. When you speak your heart clearly, the clouds of assumptions fades away. The mood changes, the worries sublime and life appears to be worth living. And it was not Sachin inning that sets up my mood. It was just a flow of words without getting conscience that opened the heart. It is not respect but acceptance one look in other person. Once accepted as a friend to trust and not infatuated by gossips, ah life seems complete. This tiny moment of joy scatters a hundred griefs and worries. And I smile and keep on humming line: "Kai dinon se shikayat nahin zamane se..."

Bye Bye Cruel World

I am addicted to Movies, Facebook, Blog and Gtalk. I am quitting them this time and leave these obsessions for normal life. There is denialism around me when an entire segment of people, often surprised with the change in me, turns away from reality in favor of a more comfortable lie. They take what they want to hear. I am loosing my mind each day.

Relationships-of all kinds-are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.

My stance is here and the personal crisis has made me enough crazy. I don't care if people don't like me, I wasn't born to make them happy. I will return one day...

Mar khap jayegi yeh zindagi samajhne mai, kisko khatil kahaen aur Kisko maseeha janen.

Mutation

I had more lived in solitude and silence within myself and only this blog was a creative act in itself in my short life. Cinephilia or writing is just a passion with rarely requiring extraordinary force of will. Beneath the riches of the creative life and observation, there was still one ordinary & pointless life, to be lived each second.

Everything under the sun and above the earth comes in my observation. The fact is that no matter where in history we are, all of those bad things exist. The point of our existence is to show even in a world filled with hate and evil, if we stop for a minute and just look around we can find the good. There is a purity in my isolation from the world, saving the last traces of innocence or whatever unconscious motives. I had gone through several long phases of depressions in 2 years with only 1 or 2 persons knowing about it. Now, I feel no joy or sharing heart's burden kinda of stuff in sharing my feelings with everyone. I will now focus on persons close to me who were emotionally supporting me when I was on crusades to save the world or doing social welfare.

Through history of my life, habits or oaths have been junked if they become inconvenient. The ever changing habits allows sovereign persons like me to scrap any prior resolution. Now, I am trying to break a prolonged phases of silence and formalities between relations. I am stranger to many persons in many aspects who are close to me. Have to sort out lot of personal life...

This week has been turned out good and I am quite happy with my performance. Just like anyone in the early 20s, I am still trying to figure out mine place in the world and work out who I am. I am still learning and need more time to do the things. Instead of what all people are doing in the life and various fields, I need more time and space to prove myself.

I was living life in reckless way after joining college from summer of 2004. Suddenly, mutation happens. Don't ask how ? Nobody knows, not even me about this tipping point.

I am changing... (Few examples)
I am bathing daily from last 7 days.
(Previously, 10 times in month)
I am combing my hair with comb daily.
(Previously, 7 times a month, that too with hands)
I am taking breakfast daily at right time.
(Previously, never taken)
I am shaving in each 4 days
(Previously, once in 45 days)
I am putting clothes pressed and in Hangers
(Previously never done that)
I am changing...*

*The above changes are done without any external pressure. Those who know me personally knows my disgust for taking bath...

नीड़ का निर्माण फिर से

नाशाद रहे नाकाम रहे तक़दीर ही अपनी फूट गई जिस शाख पे हमने हाथ धरा वो शाख वही से टूट गई|

Human nature embedded that every time we need to force the pace of change we may have to invent a crisis. Crisis emerged if not invented. So in the time of change, its turning out to be Black December for me...

1- Not selected in the written examination of IRMA by 2 marks.
2- Working hours per week increased by the company.
3- A big escalation of the team (partner in the crime) [Full frontal effect on Appraisal in March]

Failure in IRMA was shocker for me. Once again, a dream was shattered. The grieving will continue for a few days at least. I will vow never to day dream again. But of course I will, and once the pain recedes, I will be grateful for being here at this moment of life. Never say die..

"If you fail to plan, means you are planning to fail.."

Friends: Stand By Me

What legacy I will leave after my death. That question bother me. I can give power, wealth and ego but not my friends. I am feeling that I will die in few years. Just an intuition. I want to express my feeling about my friends in cinematic way as a last note from the film 'Stand by Me'.

Stand By Me is a story of how one event can unexpectedly change lives. It seems to be a story about friends and how important they are, but this possible theme is clearly dispelled in a line from the narration spoken at the end of the film :–

`As time went on, we saw less and less of Teddy and Vern, until eventually they became just two more faces in the halls. It happens sometimes, friends come in and out of your life like busboys at a restaurant.'

Instead, this time less film is about learning from a life changing experience and actually making changes or modifying your life in some way because of it. I am blessed with really good friends who accepted me as I was and cared for me. This post is dedicated to all of mine friends especially intimate ones : Vishu, Sanju, VVS, Chaudhary, Golu, AGP, chammo, kunal, hathi, chandan, and bond. This song is for my friends whom I will never let down:-

Questioning the Axioms

1- In general, the misconceptions held by the technical elite are derived from an idea cherished by many in the developing world that pure research leads to technological development and then to products that open new markets or conquer existing ones. This naive “linear theory” or “cradle-to-grave” approach to science and development served as the blueprint for the establishment of the National Science Foundation in the United States and was widely copied throughout the world. But that model fails to stress the interaction that should occur among the phases. As one moves from pure research to technological development and then to production and marketing, unanticipated problems arise that require reexamination and adaptation at the earlier stages. [Source]

2- As any environmentalist or social scientist will tell you disapprovingly, the world simply can’t afford another America. It will simply collapse. But even though no one can quite match America’s excess, the world aspires to it. We see it as Development, Growth, Progress.

3- There is mass sell of public property, land and companies to private enterprise in the name of development. This type of developmental policy is antithesis of real human advance. It is promoted both internally and externally as a way to help the poor. In reality social and monetary capital flows only in one direction. Large companies stake claim to people’s lands and resources, profiteering themselves, offering in return only a fraction of what they take and destroying carefully nurtured and ancient environment. Population driven from rural areas to urban areas are exploited in the name of cheap labour. Developed world is guarding its boundaries and only allowing MNC in the name of free not fair trade. Quite a paradox we live in, where economic hubs are cities and majority of voters in rural sector.

Personal Example:
Sustainability and Development are key words forming a paradox with each other. Sustainable Living is associated with consuming less – being satisfied with a simple and frugal life. Development is associated with never ending desires – always wanting more. Sustainable lifestyle requires Constancy, Sameness and Repetition. Development is associated with Change, New and Transience.

Planned development upheld the principle of 'service before profit', unlike 'What is in it for me? ' principle of companies. Development work is considered intellectually inferior, unlike engineering, industry or diplomacy. I want to prove that it is both a challenging and a noble choice. When I will not associate my identity within social and cultural fabric of their country, nothing is going to change. A person should not be bounded by school of thought but should focus on the need of hour and future. I choose the less traveled path. I see myself as a person who who is practical and makes choices to choose from, instead of choosing the only available choice.

"The Philosophers have interpreted the world in various ways, but the point is to - Change it!" -- Karl Marx

Why preparing for IRMA?
Answer lies in the Approach towards problem:

There are mainly 2 types of approach taken for development in any economy. Top -Bottom approach and vice versa. Its always the bottom up approach has gone successful by proper implemention. The reason of failure of this approach is not that it is flawed, but because it is not supported by those who are able to invest in it. The example of Orissa and West Bengal can be given, where government is encouraging industrialization at large pace, but not able to develop people at the same pace. The result is the improper usage of resources [Economics deals with optimal usage of resources] and there are no rules or regulations in the state. If people are not ready and they are not able to use the resources the industries are generating, what is the use of industrialization. At the later stage the economy will be in a chaos and government will not be able to implement any regulations. People are already opposing such practices. Because they are not ready, or they don't know that it will be beneficial. In such case first Bottom should be developed and not the top.

Past changes in India today were brought about by common people from the masses rather than a top down reform from the top. (While top-down reform was done, it usually followed some courageous and path breaking demands from the masses). Any change is best when organic—rising from the bottom rather than imposed from the top—the odds of assimilation improve dramatically. Urbanization of the rural sector is the way of current development with very limited powers in the hand of people affected by it. IIM or any top notch B school is top to bottom approach and IRMA is like bottom to top approach. In former, connections are made at upper level, money raised and then idea is implemented. Here, an idea is implemented at ground level and thereby driving people into co-operative like structure. No idea how good an idea is, unless people understand it, embrace it as their own and help in implementing them. This is called inclusive development in my dictionary. If the more people's life standard is enriched by it, that is integrated development. The education given in top notch colleges of management mostly makes you isolated from the rest of the country in an ivory tower, more connected to share markets or investment firms of Europe or United States than to the obvious needs of industry, agriculture, and education in our own Bharat.

Currently, I have made "Questioning the axioms " mantra as my tool in doing analysis of any problem. This 'trial and error' thinking tool is given by Srikant Singh citing work of Bernhard Riemann on non euclidean geometry. I was impressed 7 inspired at that moment but implementing this first time. It is helping me lot, will publish some original results soon on the blog...

'If the entire world wants to go left and, you feel like going right, go right. You don't have to make a big deal about it. Just go. Its very easy.' -Sotiri, Yanni's father.

Somebody to Love

I have grew up believing that my life will be perfect when I will meet the special one, just by divine fate. But true love doesn't fall in your arms, you have to get it. As I grew wiser with each passing moment, I learned the reality of fragile relations. I was falling for one way love in blindfold fashion.

Love is not a season that comes again and again unlike true love discovered by one of my close friend. There is the wall of casualty around me. I don't know when it will come down. Loneliness is underrated and different from alienation. It also occurs in relations when people pretend to be happy. I am living alone in the mob of relationship, with none to share myself. I require makeover, a complete overhauling is required of my mentality. How much it is important to express yourself in the love !!!

Females either look good or they look very good still the secret lies in compatibility. And when I will feel the warmth of intimate love. People can remain good friend for lifetime. There was a time of innocence and infatuation but I have surpassed that time. The worst thing you can do is to label a relationship. It steals the closeness and affection of the relation. If there is a love, it will blossom one day...

I am evolving !!!

The task is, not so much to see what no one has yet seen, but to think what nobody has yet thought, about that which everybody sees.-Erwin Schrödinger

Career Objective: My prime goal is learning so that I can understand the ways of work and eventually aspire to positions of higher responsibility.

I am gaining insight and losing time with my reading habit. Something, you didn't learn or certified, you just knew it, inside yourself. That's what I call as natural talent. Every creative person gets inspired by someone else and that impression lies somewhere in the subconscious for a long time which does sometimes comes out in his own creations. Its not like genius always does by creativity, traditions form inseparable part of learning.

Taking strong exception to whatever the situation or whichever the difficulties you face, always believe in yourself. Always tell yourself you are better than others. You have some talent and that is why you are in the top notch, so believe in yourself. The ability to motivate others is one of the traits, that will always make you special. Inculcate this habit. Still, always remember: Our strength grows out of our weaknesses and vice versa.

“There is nothing either good or bad,” I had heard in high school, from Hamlet, “but thinking makes it so.” I feel idealism is needed to face and overcome the hour of crisis. Practical mind is bonded by the constraint of orthodox customs and offer limited solution to any problem. Pessimism also don't give any damn solution, its just reality checking point. One of my ideal suggested that Irreverence takes us farther than anything else. It enables us to question the axiomatic dogmas and create new set of standards for the field of work. I am really thinking in that direction. I am evolving !!!

Go .... where none has gone,where dig deeper.... deeper deeper still, deeper till you find the grim foundation stone,you and knock at the keyless gate. knock - Sri. Aurobindo Ghosh .

Yaadon ke Jharokoon se ...

We were 5 friends in Kanpur, 'paanch' and core of 'triad' co exist inside it. Sanjay Bose, Vivek Vikram Singh, Gaurav Diwedi, Himanshu Chaudhary and me. All of us stood together in 10+2 and coaching years. We form the quintuple at front benches in 1st year and last benches in 2nd year. We roam manly in Coaching mandi but the favourite market was Rahmani market in Kanpur till today.

Internet: I went to Internet surfing for web councilling of AIEEE with Sanjay first time. The most surprising thing was the mails and pop-up of million dollar lottery prize. I was knowing that it is a hoax. But, surprise does not end here. The faces of white Caucasian female on the screen amazed me. The underline heading was 'Make friends with beautiful girls in Kanpur'. I was cleanly taken surprise that "where the hell these girls are, even if they exist in my city ? " . Till today, I have no clue of them.

Crush Story: There was a girl in our physics coaching of Anish Sir. She was beautiful and fair like nothing ever seen by me till now except Namrata Singh of class 10+2. No metaphor can describe her beauty to me. After the end of each class of Anish sir, only 20% junta remain in the class to talk or discuss problems with friends. She used to sit there for 10 minutes just chatting with the friends. In this short span of time, I use to gaze her continuously. Such was her beauty mesmerizes my mind. It was daily routine for 1 year. Then comes IIT JEE prelims examination in march 2004. There were 56 centers in the Kanpur accommodating atleast 500-2000 in each center. And she was sitting in same classroom of examination center. It was like one of the rare probability coming true. Alas she was not selected for the 'mains' round. I noted down her roll number and checked her result before mine. That was the end of the crush story. It was like beautiful dream which refreshes soul and makes memories sweeter. Also, I don't know her name and never attempted to..

More stories about Kanpur: In the praise of Rahmani Market & Review of Baabarr: A violent tale of a don of Kanpur

Thought of the day: Stop being angry with life because it does not give what it cannot give.

On Rehabilitationn

I am abandoning my blog for few days. Internet surfing has become like drug addiction. And I confess that I put URL of this blog on gtalk for its promotion. I sit as a watchdog and count the number of hits on my blog. Its so contradictory to what I write here. Enthusiasm kills discipline, and I had already lost my will power during my engineering days. I had ruined my career and lost my power to concentrate on any work. My advice to all of you, Don't work in the company with the bond duration. If you don't like the work, it will become bondage, both financial and time. I have so much to say with few persons who read this unfortunate blog... Just going on rehabilitation through exile and trying to focus on anything. Don't ping me, call me or scrap on orkut asking about my mental state.

Tanhaa Hoon

I am feeling alone. Its not solitude but alienation from the friends. I am just writing this fucking thing and addicted or obsessed with the blog maddeningly. I don't know where is the life ?

Looking Back in Time

Once, I was roaming in the Kanpur Coaching Area with my friends after completion of engineering. Throughout the whole tourism, I was flooded with my memories of how I used to travel in jam-packed auto rickshaws on the same route and many times walk for saving petty amount of money.

Its interesting how people feel comfortable admitting the lows of their life once they reach the heights. It gives you an inspiration for your own life. Self made man are worth which our society looks up for in their struggle. Social Darwinism factor gives example of them only.

It may appear romantic in future to look back on time with the nostalgic look. All of us are creative artist but a great craftsmanship comes with tuning our skills in versatile fields. It could be so funny, strange, scary or without clue, now that we are so busy with the life. But when I think of mine college days where I used to sit idle or drift without purpose. There were endless days and nights spent with time passing by in staring at natural beauty, wandering on empty roads or just discussing philosophy with friends. And, we don’t know what is exactly happening with our life at that point of time. It just appears to be in the form of inexpressible experiences. These moments of looking back cannot be measured economically.

Do you think every person (normal, successful, great, politician, whoever it is) has their own experiences like these where they don’t know what exactly their life going through and how the future is going to be? Experiences and reflections of hard times of great personalities help in redefining our look towards own goal. That's why inspirational stories or cinema always work to motivate us.

I know that I am neither an uncommonly talented person, nor a man of genius. But it has been said that every man has within himself the making of one book. Time passes by and we experience different emotions. And we observe the world and even realize on the verge of death: "There is no seer and there is nothing seen; there is only seeing."

I had got a mail...

If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

"Does observation affect outcome?" Yes, it does in writing. We can assume the unobserved event functions the same as the observed event in a rare case of writing where external observation is not needed. Sometimes event is self conscious. That is the beauty of writing, it makes you reflective...

I insist everyone to write and to clear their point of view or express experiences. Or it may serve the purpose to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning and inhibit clarity. This has happened to me long back ago. A great fellow from 'downsouth' had given me his valuable time and comment to improve my writing skills. I got a mail on asking his opinion on one of the blogpost. The email can be traced back on the date of 16th June 2007 when my blog was just 3 months old with full of spelling and grammar mistakes (Later I edited and republished blogpost on his advice). The person has asked to keep his name hidden here in public sphere. Enjoy that email which is still one of the guidelines followed in mine writings and helped in standing out than fitting in the blogland:

"You need to improve your grammar drastically. I had read a few of your posts earlier too (way to IT-BHU, legacy etc.) and the worrying part (sorry to say so) is that your grammar has not improved much. Elementary grammatical mistakes are accepted today but gross mistakes tend to suppress the feelings that are brought out through the medium of writing.

Your narrative style is excellent with a chronological and sequential flow of events. I can sense that you have that keen sense of memory and observation with an eye for the fine details (something I hav not been able to develop till now) and would provide a lot of entertainment and nostalgia if you can put the bricks together. I must admit I was in peels of laughter reading the post. My suggestion would be to write shorter, read it once before posting it and review errors as perceived by you and get both reviewed by someone so that you can have a feel about your grammatical sense.

I also feel that you write without a lot of reading and it simply doesn't work that way. Read slower and and try and appreciate the sense of the sentence. Bahut fatte ho gaye ab ke liye. Keep calling for help.

Cheers,

Senders name

Not everyone knows how to express creativity, but everyone has the capacity to be creative.

Shit does not always float. Things change!

In the words of Irshad bhai only-- "हर आदमी जो सही दिख रहा है, कही अन्दर से टूटा हुआ है। "
And in mine words-- "जीना महँगा हो गया है और ज़िंदगी सस्ती हो गयी है."

I am just sum of these two lines in reality. Rest written here is broken and chaos of my mind.

I am trying hard to inculcate and dissolve ideas into mine reading material, thinking and writing. From now onwards, the frequency of posting on blog will be low and only original matter will appear. More composition, less compilation and adaptation. Instead of plagiarism, a phase to produce mine naive thoughts has came. Shit does not always float. It has to be flushed in sewer one day. Things had changed inside me now!.

Yeh woh Manzil to Nahin:
This is not the article I want to publish here just a day before. A disorganised, disoriented and unthemed writing. But this is how life is, unclear and changing our subjectivity of perception on recollection. Too much order was taking the breathe of the blog, hence a break from established pattern.

Under any 'ism', man exploits man, so the idea of utopia or holy struggle goes in smoke and a grand illusion surrounds regarding every topic. If racism, religious intolerance, and sexism are wrong, can nationalism which is so often upheld as noble, be right? All the emotions can be manipulated in wrong direction by radical falsehood thrust of oration skills. Logic and analysis fail and everybody is happy to just follow. There are thousands who claim to have read Bhagvad Gita but have yet to meet person who actually understood the philosophy and practiced it.Take a example like the principle of Karmayoga only. More than deliberate blasphemers of a scripture, the unconscious misinterpreters of a sacred text are the innocent criminals who bring about the wretched downfall of its philosophy for their own convenience and prejudices. There is no use to fight over the credibility of God who will ever come out to prove himself right or wrong.

I don't want to be fed any boring facts and figures. I'd rather starve my mind a bit and have to search out nutrition in stranger places. People want to breathe a live of luxury and flamboyancy with the route of credit also. The luxury industries is doing what it takes to cater to the whims & fancies of rising class. The aspirational lifestyle doesn't limited to material objects but it has evolved into unique and personal experiences. Our society has taken voyeuristic path and children turning on to the habits of adults. People love to see other's in pain. Yet there are those who have managed to find the balance, ensuring they do their bit to propel their nation forward. That gives me inspiration to preach and express my feelings. Acceptance, Care, Respect and Recognition are terms for which a man struggle. Parallel cinema to caste discrimination or gender inequality, everything revolves around these 4 words only. In the Rebel against the establishment, getting wasted on high dose of liquor or drugs and crashing bike in high speed around a blind turn is no solution. To rebel means to stand for something what you truly believe in till last breathe. The modern idea of world is about equality and the transcendence of social barriers, not about narrow dividing walls. In this sense inspiration may well have come from Rabindranath Tagore’s song: Jodi tor daak shuney keoo na ashey tobey ekla chalo rey. (If none heeds your cry to march together, just walk alone, no if or whether.)

A good news for my fans that I was quoted in a international e- magazine;India: A wave of suicides among farmers. Just learned one lesson of lifetime yesterday: To lead people walk behind them.